Struggling to Create Your Ideal Home? Try Changing Your Mindset

letting my imagination rip with these ai rooms. Creating anyway you can even without the resources you wish you had is what keeps your passions going.

Grand Red Striped bedRoom created by me in Midjourney.

With social media, we have more access to ideal homes than ever before. No longer relegated to seeing the homes of a few select celebrities in magazines, we get to see homes by regular people who are killing it and making a name for themselves. It’s really easy to get inspired by the homes of these “regular” people, especially when you share a similar sense of style. But what if your vision is bigger than your wallet or resources, and you can’t make inspired changes to your home as quickly or as regularly as you’d like? You may end up feeling discouraged, begin to compare yourself to others, and start to doubt your sense of style. 

If this sounds familiar, you’re no different than the rest of us. But it’s important to be able to insulate yourself from this type of design discouragement that puts a damper on your creativity and ultimately your well-being. According to design psychology, our ideal home should meet more than our aesthetic needs, but our psychological needs as well. That’s our need for love, belonging, and self-expression. And if your home does not satisfy you psychologically— that is, if it does not feel like a true reflection of you, you may experience disconnect and distress, particularly if your experiencing disconnection in other areas of your life. 

futuristic cottage created by me in midjourney.

So while there are many ways to fix up your home with limited resources, this post is for those days when you feel too discouraged about the state of your home to look on the bright side. Oftentimes, it comes down to understanding the type of control you have over the design of your home. Theories of control propose that there are three types of control we can have over our environment. There is behavioral control, which is the ability to take action;  decisional control, the ability to choose; and cognitive control, the ability to change the way we interpret events in our environment.

We might not have the ability to take action and completely gut our bathrooms or kitchens. Or we may feel our options are too limiting to make it our ideal home, but we can change the way we think of our home; and reinterpret the way we believe we can make it better for us and those who share our space. I like to think of it as creative control. 

While reading through the fall 2023 issue of House Beautiful magazine, I came across the home of designer and co-founder of Collagerie and Colville Official,  Lucinda Chambers. It’s a wonderfully, colorful, quirky, stylized home that has been curated over time rather than “designed” in the formal sense. Interviewed by Deputy Managing Editor, Olivia Hosken, Chambers shared that she has lived in the home for 30 years, and bought it when it was “shabby and uninteresting.” What’s more, she isn’t afraid to make design mistakes, championed the idea that there is always an opportunity to start over, and offered that it’s okay for a home to take a long time to come together.  

While we can make assumptions about Chambers’ behavioral and decisional control, her decision to move into a home that was less than enticing, and commit to making it her own over time suggests that she was able to maintain cognitive control. That is, she adapted during the in-betweens when maybe her home was less than she wanted it to be. Typically, homes that are well curated are appealing b/c of the joy each piece brings to the dweller; and in turn, the dweller is able to integrate it into the home in a way that is appealing to others. While a single keepsake, accessory, or furnishing may not be enough to make the whole house feel showcase ready, over time individual pieces begin to make a big impact. Don’t underestimate the ability to choose meaningful pieces from anywhere, a junk shop, big box store, or online that add something intangible to your burgeoning ideal home, making it feel more like a reflection of you, more psychologically satisfying. 

So for those moments when you are discouraged about your home decor and wish certain elements were in place, consider ways you can exercise cognitive control and think of your space in a different way. Here are some ideas.

grandmillenial room by me in midjourney.

1. Leave a space empty

Years ago, I read an article in Domino magazine that addressed the reality of trying to decorate your home in your 20’s without the financial stability to afford coveted high-end pieces. It suggested leaving an empty space to make room (mentally and physically) for the high-end furnishings you will afford in the future. Not only is this practice designed to keep you focused on saving up for the piece you want so you no longer have to stare at an empty space, it is also a form of affirmation. That is, every time you see the empty space it reminds you of what you are working towards and gives you the zeal to go get it. 

2. Use filler furnishings

If the empty space doesn’t work for you, you can also include filler furnishings. Those are place holders you use until you get the piece you want. If you don’t yet have the couch, carpet, or curtains of your dream, use what you have or buy something in its place you don’t mind looking at. The filler piece should be pretty subdued and simple, styled in the best way possible until you get what you want. 

3. Purchase an affordable, unassuming accessory you enjoy

During shopping trips, you may not be able to find the grand pricey pieces you’re looking for or you may not have the funds to purchase them. But how about buying something that seems rather insignificant, yet adds joy to your space— like a cool postcard or a candle, or even collectibles like shells or buttons. Adding these little pieces to your space or a vignette can do wonders to lift your spirits.

brown couch, pink room combo by me in Midjourney.

4. Rearrange furnishings

After seeing your furniture the same way for some time, you can begin to feel bored. So how about switching it up? Research shows that the places adults remember as their most favorite during childhood is the one they created themselves. There’s something about creating and recreating spaces with found objects that feel exciting and at times, magical. And rearranging your furnishings for a new look can give you the same jolt of excitement. It’s as if you you bought something new!

5. Do a deep purge

Sometimes, you may not be able to spend money but you can do a deep purge and get rid of everything that weighs your home down. Once you get rid of everything you don’t need, your home will feel lighter, fresher, and you’ll be in a better position to think clearly about what you need to fill the space. 

6. Create vignettes

While you may not be able to redesign a whole space, you can focus on creating smaller vignettes, and take pictures of them to build a moodboard that showcases your styling skills. It will no doubt expand your creativity, affirm your ability to be creative in less than stellar circumstances, and give you a dose of pretty while you wait to get the bigger design work done. 

What are some of the ways you take cognitive control of your space? Share it with us in the comments.