Drawing Style From Pain

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“What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger” is an old adage many of us have used to feel better about the hard times we face. It reminds us that we must draw our strength from pain, whether we want to or not, in order to survive, or better yet, thrive. A closely related concept is the idea of creating art out of pain. History is filled with individuals and people groups who have created something beautiful from pain. In fact, much of creativity evolves from some sort of dis-ease, a desire to get something out in a way that relieves the uneasiness. I’m often interested in cultural movements like hip-hop— a culture that originated from the creative minds of an oppressed people with few resources. It’s not only expressed through music but through clothing and the way people style themselves. That is in essence, drawing style from pain, clothing style to be exact. And by pain, I mean anything that creates a disturbance in us. Of course, fashion never takes the place of dealing with emotional difficulties through clinical interventions like therapy and medication. But it can be used as a supplement in much the same way art therapy uses art to assist with healing.

So if whole cultural movements do it, how do we as individuals use pain to develop our style? Is that even a thing? Let’s consider the Rudd and Lennon model of body aesthetics. According to the model, we internalize cultural ideas of beauty and create our appearance accordingly. When we are not satisfied with our created appearance or others’ assessments of it, we develop coping strategies. Some of them include, trying harder, giving up and feeling badly about how we look, and changing our own personal standard of what is beautiful.

So this model gives us some insight into a few things. 1. It’s difficult to develop our sense of style without responding to a cultural ideal. 2. We should try to be aware of how we have internalized these standards and how they affect us. And 3. We can create our own personal style based upon the standards we have internalized and rework them to express various aspects of ourselves. I believe it is in this re-working process that we draw style from pain. Let’s say someone perceives us as shall we say, less than attractive.  We can try harder to fit their ideal or feel badly about ourselves (neither is appealing). Or we can change our personal standard of what is beautiful. One way to do that is to dig deep, figure out what interests us, what we like, and how that relates to who we are. If we are successful at doing this, we stop placing so much value on our looks (so it’s fine if you are considered beautiful or average) and place it on the things that give us joy. This is where our beauty lies. It is from this space we can create. And ironically, what started as painful becomes art. So how do we do turn pain into clothing style, practically speaking?

Ok. Here are my ideas.

1.       Exposure

Study your surroundings. Watch people, nature, and the way things move and interact around you. What do you like or don’t like? I loved the grey hair with pink tint on this lady, or the way that girl wore her head scarf, or the unique swagger that guy had. I also liked the way that flamingo looked perched on the gate... (you get the idea). We may not always know how these experiences will translate into our clothing style, but keep it stored and see if we can use it to turn pain into something creative later.  

Study different forms of media- art books, art history books, magazines, coffee table books, online images. We can get inundated with social media so looking at books can be a refreshing change, particularly old design books that can provide a wealth of context for our modern world, and maybe even our pain.

seeing what’s out there

2.       Dress the Different Parts of you

During periods of discouragement or sadness you still have to get dressed. So what parts of you would you be excited to express. An edgy side, a feminine side, a [insert here] side… The idea is that we have all seen some aspects of someone or something we connect to, and this is in an indication that what we see is a part of us. Similar to actors who are able to play different roles b/c they pull from a part of them that can relate to the character, even if it isn’t pretty. I have these floral, wide leg pants that I call my Jimi Hendrix pants. They remind me of something Jimi Hendrix would wear, and I love them. But what is it that I really love? Jimi Hendrix is way more wild than I’ll ever be, yet something about his wild, cool vibe, and crazy colored clothing seems exciting and fun—that is, there is a little bit of that I can relate to. So I wear it to express that part. Maybe it just makes me feel better; or it’s a side of me that is being overshadowed by a more discouraged side, and I want to let the wild side out. Whatever the reason, we can use positive self-expression to drown out the pain. Here are some different sides that I like to express with my clothes.

Rock star Pants (i.e., my jimi hendrix pants)

quirky school teacher or maybe Librarian Chic

dreamy with a dose of practicality

3.       Make the details the main thing

In this age of the internet, there is no new outfit under the sun. There isn’t going to be a store no one else has access to. There isn’t going to be an item of clothing only you have—unless you make it yourself maybe. The point is, everyone has access to everything, so developing your style based upon clothing pieces alone may not feel unique or interesting enough to combat the pain. It’s all about how you put pieces together—how you mix the ingredients. And starting from a place of pain has it’s advantages because our pain is unique to us. What does your discomfort make you feel; and how can you put outfits together in a way that draws from the pain in a creative way? Often, if my outfit isn’t really speaking to me, I make it about my nail color or jewelry, the way a shirt is tucked in, or the way I wear a scarf, and somehow it makes me feel better about my outfit. The other day I saw a celebrity in a string of pearls and a T-shirt and was immediately drawn to it. Why? It’s no secret I love juxtaposition but somehow it seemed fresh—maybe because it was just one string of pearls, understated and elegant with a throw away T-shirt. It felt accessible and faux upscale in a fun way—it felt like a energizing way to combat some of the discouragement I was feeling. More recently, I was admiring pointy black nails and minty green short nails—both very different looks, but both expressed something beyond my pain. A little vamp, a little uptown…something other than discouragement. In much the same way a boxer might box to release tension, drawing style from pain allows us to release our negative energy into something productive.

all about the head scarf…or coat

all about the string of pearls

What are your ideas about drawing style from pain? Is this something you are attuned to? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

 

 

 

How to Dress Like a Style Icon

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Everyone has style. The ones who draw us in are those who know how to access style in a way that is unique to them but resonates with us. Of course, having good style is more than just wearing fashion. There’s an intangible quality about it that is hard to articulate but you know it when you see it.  Some have offered a definition of style. Amanda Brooks (in I ♥ Your Style) defines style as “a way of putting yourself together according to your mood and what you want to project”; Kate Betts (in Everyday Icon) says style is “bound up in who you are and what you believe”; and Jennifer Scott (in Madame Chic) says style is “what makes [you] feel good.” None of these definitions offer a wear-this-with-that approach to finding your style because there really isn’t one. And honestly if you had one, you aren’t guaranteed to project the authentic sense of style you’re looking for. Sure, you might look good in an outfit, but anyone with a stylist can do that. Having a sense of style is more than looking good in an outfit. It’s also about carrying yourself in a way that consistently brings out your best qualities.

I know I’m in the presence of good style when the following happens: my heart jumps a little in my chest, I end up staring for a little longer than I should, and I feel inspired to try something new. I’m drawn to people who have edited their outfit down to one stand-out thing— a must-have shoe, a really nice pant, or a cool piece of jewelry, especially if any of these intentionally throws the outfit in an unexpected direction. I’m also enthralled with people who aren’t necessarily wearing anything exciting but wear it in an interesting way; or who undeniably follow the trends and know how to rock it. While I can’t offer you a paint-by-numbers approach to how this is done, I can off you a few tips I’ve learned on how to develop your unique style. I've also included some virtual outfits to show you a glimpse of the way I put outfits together.

1.    Do Some Self-Introspection

Know Thyself

Any style icon knows who they are and what they’re on about on. If you haven’t quite figured that out yet, consider your goals and what image you want to project. What are you educational, vocational, and personal aspirations; and what image do you think best reflects those goals? I’m both a psychologist and a fashion/design consultant, and I love juxtaposition and blending different styles together. I tend to lean towards classic pieces mixed in with something unexpected.

Expose Yourself (and not in the way you think)

While you may have the potential to be a style icon, potential doesn’t necessarily translate into reality without knowledge and awareness. This involves actively searching out inspiration anywhere you can find it—museums, fashion shows, theatre, movies, magazines, and travel. Identify who you see as a style icon and why. Personally, I enjoy Solange, Choe Sevigny, and Miroslava Duma. I like their eclecticism and the way they’re able to transform their look to whatever is inspiring them at the moment while still staying true to their essence.

2.    Identify the Essence of Your Style

Cultivate “Your Way"

Whenever I have a difficult time articulating why I’m drawn to someone’s style, I say they have “a way.” It’s usually because I cannot pinpoint their sense of style to anything specific. It seems to be a complex mix of their outfit and accessories, their idiosyncrasies, and how they carry it all. While it may be easier for others to be aware of our "way” than it is for us, there are some things we can do to cultivate this elusive sensibility. One way to do it is to consider what aesthetic or look your drawn to, as it can give you a pretty good indication of what you already possess. Then use it as a guideline for how you shop and put together outfits. I’m drawn to the eclectic style of others because my style is eclectic. I like to call it “classic eclecticism” because it speaks to my love of adding an unexpected twist to classic outfits.

Identify What Pieces Suite Your Body

Even the most fabulous outfits will do nothing for you if you if it doesn’t complement your shape. As much as I love short shorts and rompers, I know it doesn’t flatter my legs and I look best in outfits that don't draw attention to it. If you’re not sure what clothing complements your shape, consider what you feel most comfortable in and why. When you’re trying on clothes in the store, walk around the dressing room in it to see if you can imagine yourself wearing it out. If you aren’t comfortable or are having problems with the fit in the store, chances are you won’t be comfortable in it when you get home.

3.    Know How to Adopt Trends

Know A Little About Where the Trends Come From

Often we adopt trends from sheer exposure without considering why we are drawn to them, how long they’ve been in the fashion cycle, and how it became trendy in the first place. There are a number of sociocultural, political, and historical factors that go into making a trend catch on, and it’s good to have at least some awareness of it so we can make an informed decision about whether or not we want to try it. In my experience, styles become trendy when differing styles have run its course; and there is usually some socio-political movement that supports the change. For instance, back in the 90’s, knee length skirts were all the rage, and it's becoming, minimalist shape seemed to be a reaction to all the decadence and “girls just want to have fun” vibe channeled by the 80’s min-skirt. As the economy has been on an upswing, the decadent 80’s have came around again, and we are embracing the unique, asymmetrical proportions we once enjoyed in the 80’s. Knowing this information about a trend can may help you decide if it is look you want to embrace.

Make Sure the Trend Feels Like You

I have no problem experimenting with clothing, but if it doesn’t feel like me, then I won’t wear it. What makes it feels like me? Well, I go by my reaction to it and the way I carry myself in the clothes. If I love it and can carry it with confidence then I know there is enough about it that is personal to me. For instance, fur/feather shoes were all the rage this season, and I was drawn to the edgy luxury of it after seeing a girl in Jersey City with a pair. She kind of had an attitude, and wore it so effortlessly that it looked like she just rolled out of bed with her fur slides. It made me want to by a pair, but I was very particular about which pair because I’ve also seen this trend go really wrong. So I made sure I bought ones that did not feel too over-the-top and complimented my foot.  If I try a trend, and I’m constantly thinking about whether or not it's right, it’s a sign that it is not right for me. This is what is involved in taking fashion risks, and are integral to developing your sense of style. 

4.    Be Your Own Stylist

Practice

Creatively styling outfits may not come natural if you’re not used to doing it. But with practice, you should be able to know what pieces work together, what don’t, and how to add your personal touch. If you've put together an outfit you’re not sure about, and you feel uncomfortable the whole time you’re in it, figure out what's not working, why it isn't working, and what pieces would go better together. If this is difficult to do, go back to tip one and "expose yourself." Whenever I feel like I'm not sure if "this goes with that," I'll look through magazines or fashion sites to get inspo. 

Know the Rules and How to Break Them

It’s important to know traditional rules of styling. What colors typically go with what; what styles are expected to go together, like a flowy bohemian dress with clogs; and what jewelry or make-up is status quo for your outfit such as ethnic chandelier earrings with a bohemian dress and clogs. Once you’ve figure that out, then you can "break rules." For instance, instead of wearing clogs with a bohemian dress, wear a kitten-heeled mule that is both classic and lady like. Or instead of wearing you’re go-to studs with a simple mid-length shift dress, wear really big but lightweight round hoops to give it an edge. One rule of thumb for mixing it up is to do so in a way that adds an unexpected twist but still feels harmonious with the overall look. In other words, make sure every part of the outfit "speaks back" to some part of the other. This is just to ensure that your unexpected twist has context that makes sense.  For instance, if you choose to wear sneakers with a pretty skirt, some other part of the outfit should relate to the sneakers like another sporty item such as a backpack or fanny pack. 

Slight of Hand

As my fashion-conscious friend always says, when it comes to styling it’s all about slight of hand. JCrew was a master at it. Take a classic plaid shirt and make it sexy by tucking it into a pair of high-waisted navy slim silk pants and voila—you have “a look.” It’s still the same classic plaid shirt JCrew has always had but now it has extra interest outside of its preppy element. Think of ways you can add a big impact to clothes you already have with slight changes.

5.    Have Confidence

If you’ve been able to follow through with all the previous points, you should have a certain level of confidence with your look. Confidence is knowing your clothes reflect what you want it to; not worrying about you’re outfit because it feels right to you; and wearing the outfit instead of it wearing you. Some people with even questionable outfits have been able to pull this off simply because they’ve owned it. This has more to do with their individuality and how they carry the clothes than the clothes itself. I’ve always been fascinated by Bridgette Bardot’s effortless style-- the gingham pencil skirt, the ballet-style body suit, the headband, and the messy hair. I was recently intrigued to learn that she never claimed to be stylish. She just had her own ideas and views, and was confident enough to allow her fashion choices to evolve from it. It is this natural evolution of style that captivated our culture so intensely and we still reference her today. What personal ideas and views can you project through your clothing choices?  Remember, fashion is really just a language we use to convey a message to others; and it is in this unique message that are our style takes it's shape.

What do you think about these tips? Are they familiar to you? Are there other tips that have helped you hone your personal style? I’d really like to hear them.