Help! I Hate How I Look: Using Clothing to Manage Body Image Issues

In the earlier part of my career, I worked as a therapist, mostly meeting with children and adolescents. I had a heart for my teens, often seeing them in response to significant trauma and helping them navigate identity issues. Without trauma, the teen years are hard enough. They’re spending lots of emotional energy trying to figure out who they are, and how they want to be in the world; and depending on life circumstances, that can come with a lot of self-sabotage. Unfortunately, too many of us can recall the, “I hate how I look” flare-ups we had during those angst teen years.  

With that said, it’s no surprise that dissatisfaction with appearance or body image is a major issue that comes up during my clinical work (I still do evaluations from time to time). Whether a teen presents with anxiety, depression, or any other mental health issue, it’s often expressed through and complicated by body image issues. And the way it usually looks is an overwhelming disdain for a specific part or parts of the body like legs or arms. What’s more, they equate their poor perception of their body to their self-worth, and feel less than valuable as a result. 

Sadly, body image issues don’t stop at adolescence. We often nurture body images issues well into adulthood such that when life gets challenging we tend to revert back to self-destructive patterns, including being preoccupied with what is wrong with our body. And the “I hate how I look” fits continue to be a part of our coping style well into our adult years. It goes without saying that we are more than our bodies; and one way to counter body image issues is to meditate on other things about us we know (even if we don’t always feel) are good and worthy of praise, like varied skills, kindness, bravery, and the list goes on.

Another way to counter body image issues is through clothing. According to Entwistle, author of The Fashioned Body, clothing is much more than a form of adornment, it is the way we learn to live in our bodies. There are tons of articles on ways to hide perceived body imperfections with clothing; and while many are useful, you can not use clothes to hide a largely poor self-image. Clothing and the body work as a team, and the body gives meaning to clothes and vice versa. Without the body, clothing is just a well-constructed piece of fabric. So in order for clothing to reach its full potential, it needs a body to give it life, soul, and the unique energy only a living breathing body can give. This is why two people can wear the same outfit and look quite different. If we value our body, it can live out its full essence within the context of clothing.

Of course, we don’t have to have a perfect body image to wear clothes well. Many of us are  struggling to improve our body image and progress isn’t a straight line. But in the meantime, we can use clothing as a tool to feel good about ourselves in our bodies, letting go of the “I hate how I look” outbursts we may have come to fall back on. Here are three ways clothing can help us manage our body image. 

1. Clothing helps us become our ideal

Just as Halloween costumes allow us to embrace the hidden parts of us, everyday clothing can work in a similar way. Our clothing gives us an opportunity to take on characteristics we admire, simply by wearing clothing that has symbolic meaning for us (a.k.a., enclothed cognition). To be clear, clothing does not have symbolic meaning without context, we associate it with the people who wear them and at a particular point in time. When we think of something like a beret, a tie, or black stockings with the line down the back (a personal favorite, ha!), we have a vision of what those clothing items symbolize. And if we enjoy wearing them, it is generally because we have seen it worn, and internalized what we think it means to wear them.

With that in mind, the ability to express ourselves through clothes and take on characteristics of our ideal look allows us to compensate for shortcomings we experience when we are anxiously preoccupied with our bodies. According to a 2012 article, Expression of Personality Through Dressing using clothing to compensate in this way helps us achieve psychological and spiritual balance. And it is this sense of balance that can gird up our sense of self, giving us the emotional resources we need as we are actively working towards improving our body image. 

2. Clothing helps us get comfortable communicating parts of ourselves.

Clothing is often identified as a nonverbal form of communication.  We can use clothing to feel better (a.k.a., dopamine dressing) and improve our mood. Or we can use clothing to lean into a miserable mood, creating something beautiful out of pain in a way akin to art therapy. So it’s important to be intentional about the message we’re conveying, not just to others but to ourselves. 

For those who struggle with body image, clothing gives an opportunity to express body image issues in creative ways, and maybe release some tension. I once heard a quote by Diana Vreeland that said something like (and I’m paraphrasing) whatever you don’t like about your body, make that the best thing about you. And of course, this requires some ingenuity and the ability to let go of rigid ideas of beauty, something those with body image issues are working towards. 

If this feels challenging, try doing an experiment and wear something out you’ve always liked and can wear well enough, but unreasonable body image issues have held you back (if you’re not sure what qualifies as “unreasonable” discuss it with a trusted friend or helping professional). Psychologists refer to this as an exposure technique, and it is a way to try out new experiences or ways of being without it being too overwhelming. Afterwards, take tabs on your experience and the reaction of others. Was it as bad as you thought it was? Are there any changes you’d like to make and do you have a healthy plan to make those changes? Can you consider developing a better appreciation for your body in these clothes even in its imperfect state? These are just some questions that will help you better process the experience, and of course it may be helpful to process this with someone else as mentioned.

3. Clothing gives an opportunity to alter questionable body image ideals

Often the reason we don’t like our legs, arms, butt or any other part of our body is because we have internalized alternate beauty standards. In the old days we just had to deal with the parts of our body we don’t like; but now with plastic surgery more accessible, we can change what we don’t like relatively quickly if we have the resources to do so. And while it’s beyond me to tell anyone what to do with their body, as a psychologist, it’s my job to understand the root of these changes. That is, it’s one thing to want to make tweaks to your body, and another thing if the tweaks are never enough. If it’s never enough, it suggests your desire to alter your body is based upon a poor sense of identity, and it is futile to build a healthy image on a faulty foundation. 

While plastic surgery may not be an option for some, clothing is. Fortunately, we have agency with clothes and can make active changes with clothing to accept or reject body image ideals. We can use clothes to cover up parts of our body we don’t like or as mentioned above, show off those parts. According to a concept known as cognitive control, we have the ability to change the way we see a situation. So exercising a sense of control over your clothing can act as a catalyst for having control over the way you choose to see your body. Since body image standards have to start somewhere, why not with you?

If you’ve used clothing to manage body image issues, what ways have they worked for you, or not? Share it with us in the chat. 

To Dupe or Not to Dupe: The Psychology of Wearing Knock-Off Brands

Saks Fifth Ave/ THe Attico

I’d call this a close replica. The dupe seems to have been inspired by the designer shoe but is different and simple enough to wear longer term.

While searching for a shoe to go with a dress I planned to wear to an event, I came across a very fitting designer heel—perfect for my outfit but not so much for my wallet. So I continued scrolling and got excited when I found the same shoe for a quarter of the price. Of course, it wasn’t quite the same shoe, but a near exact replica with the exception of one or two details.  Who would know? It looked exactly like the one I wanted, it’s more affordable, and does what I need it to do for the outfit. But just when I went to put it in my cart, my neurotic inclinations stopped me. Did I really want to wear these dupes? I’ll know they aren’t the real thing, and others, who pay attention to that kind of thing will too. Why was that a big deal for me? In that moment, I felt led to do some introspection. 

Counterfeits, Dupes, and the Self

Forever 21/Alaia

This dupe is a close replica and seemingly meant to be worn short-term due to the cheaper materials used.

According to a 2012 study in Psychological Science, people tend to buy counterfeits (that is, a fake luxury product presenting as the real thing) to enhance their image, and project to themselves and others an aspirational version of who they are. Unfortunately, it also has the unintended consequence of making us feel like we’re trying to be something we are not, and “signals” a counterfeit, inauthentic self. Notably, the study found that those who wore counterfeit glasses were not only more likely to feel less authentic, but to also behave unethically and perceive others as unethical as well. 

While dupes, also known as knock-offs, are not exactly counterfeits (at least legally as they do not use the same brand name and usually change up one or two details) they can be pretty darn close; and if you’re aware of the designer brand, you’ll know if the dupe is a little more than just a product “inspired by” the luxury brand. So perhaps, dupes carry the same unintended consequences as counterfeits, a sense that we are projecting an image that is not as authentic as we’d like it to be. There are some people, like myself, that seem to care more about that than others— What makes people care more or less?

Dupes and Values

Sam edelmans/Manolo Blahniks

This dupe seems to be more “inspired by” the Designer shoe than a replica. the wavy details gives it a unique touch.

Whether or not you embrace dupes may have something to do with what you value. According to an article in Vogue Business, Gen Z’s (those born between 1997 and 2012) have no problem with dupes; and in fact prefer them, particularly for trendy clothing that may not last more than a season. In other words, they want to present an image of luxury without spending the money to get it. More than that, Gen Z’s are loud and proud about their knock-offs. Even the term “dupes” sounds like something cool to have. Speaking as a Gen X’er myself, I can say that knock-offs were never one to brag about. We didn’t have “dupes”, we had “fakes” whether they were actually counterfeits or not.  Knock-offs were something we tried to hide (that’s if we knew they were knock-offs) as wearing them reflected badly on the person seen as “posing” or pretending to be something they are not. 

So what is the essence of this (seemingly generational) divide? Research shows that the more inaccessible or scarce a product, the higher the perceived value (via Psychology and Marketing).The reasons for this are complex, but it may have something to do with the value we place on being unique, particularly when it comes to clothing and other objects that reflect identity. But the desire to be unique and present an image of uniqueness may be separate processes. The latter seems to be more about having fun and presenting an image that is enhanced, but not necessarily feigned. That is, there is no shame in crafting an image that’s not necessarily true to reality b/c it is all in good fun— seemingly a byproduct of our social media age where everything is touched up or filtered. 

When I struggled to buy those dupes, I couldn’t shake the fact that it was a copy of a very specific shoe (as opposed to a more classic one). I don’t always know a dupe when I see it; but when I know, I have a hard time unknowing it.  Had it been a different shoe with a few different details, but the same feel, I would have felt better about it. Like the study mentioned, I felt the dupes made me feel inauthentic somehow—-I tied them to my identity as a creative person, and creatives don’t copy. On the other hand, if you don’t link dupes to your identity, but to a sense of frugalness, you may, similar to Gen Z’ers, see dupes as fun, and struggle less with buying them. 

Shop your values

Amazon/Bottega Veneta

This is pretty much an exact replica and marketed as a “dupe,” fun for those who want to indulge in luxury without spending the money to do so.

Ultimately, I didn’t go with the dupes. I found another luxury shoe from the same brand at a steep discount and went with those. But strangely, I’m much less picky about a pair of dupe earrings or a necklace if I really love it and it doesn’t go against my ethics (for example, brands who get hit really hard when big companies copy with no recognition). I like to have fun with jewelry and don’t always take it so seriously. On the other hand, shoes feel a little more substantial, and heavily dictates the mood of an outfit.

Someone else might feel differently about jewelry for different reasons. What we value can be attributable to a complex mix of factors including culture, personal experiences, and individual differences. Perhaps like Gen Z’ers, you’re fine with most dupes and prefer to invest your money in luxury items you feel are worth investing in. Or similar to someone like myself, you may strongly link authenticity to identity and not be as comfortable with dupes or at least certain dupes. But whatever you value, it’s important to be attuned to it. I could have easily bought the dupe shoes but it probably would have nagged at me. Clothing not only sends an image to others but impacts how we feel about ourselves, so it’s important to wear clothes that are aligned with our values. 

Additional considerations when Choosing Between Dupes and Luxury Brands

Joycename tennis necklace/Crystal haze Jewelry

This close replica has the feel of the designer necklace, but the tennis style sets it apart.

1. Know the difference between a product and its dupe. This requires some research given we don’t always know (at least I don’t) when a product is a dupe. Creativity is fluid, and the concept of dupes can sometimes be unclear. You may have a pair of reasonably priced shoes that looks just like an iconic shoe made years before. Is this a dupe? Or maybe a brand decides to give homage to an iconic or classic brand by making a replica handbag and acknowledges the inspo brand. Would this be considered a dupe? Typically, it’s a dupe if it is intentionally selling a replica of an of-the-moment product at a more affordable price. Sometimes the dupe will acknowledge itself as such, playing up the popularity of dupes, but be different enough so as not be accused of counterfeit. 

2. Study closely to see if the product is pretty much an exact replica or details have been changed, making it more of a close replica. If enough details have been changed, the shoe may feel more like it was “inspired by” the luxury brand than a replica. This is probably the dupe I’d feel most comfortable with.

3. Consider the price of the luxury product and the dupe; and whether you’ll wear it past one season. The more details on the replica that match the luxury product, the more closely it will be associated with the product, and possibly the more short-lived it will be, especially if the luxury product does not have longevity. If you decide to go with a replica, it should have fewer signature details than the on trend luxury product if you plan to wear it longer term. 

larosastyle/gucci

This Dupe is a near exact replica. the upper material is real leather, and gives the feel of a higher end shoe without having to actually buy one.

Use Your Personality Style to Create the Perfect Outfit

Of course we know there’s no such thing as perfect, but you can put together an outfit that’s perfect for you with increased self-awareness and a working understanding of your personality style. Personality is complex and beyond the scope of this little blog post; but for our purposes, you can break personality down into three major categories. They include the following areas:

1. Extroversion (get energy from being around other people; thought of as outgoing) to Introversion (get energy from alone time and thoughts; thought of as more reserved)

2. More conscientious (engaged and attentive) to less conscientiousness (more laid-back and carefree)

3. More open to experience (take risks and are psychologically flexible) to less openness to experience (more comfortable with the tried-and-true or what’s familiar)

Keep in mind that simplified personality tests which place us neatly into either of these three categories are only meant to be a starting point. We usually fall somewhere along the continuum of these and other personality components. But for the sake of picking outfits, these will do for now.

According to research in the Frontiers in Psychology journal, personality traits, body image, and clothing choices are related. So let’s break down some of the research results.

Women who were extroverted with an openness to experience preferred an “urban style” of dress (i.e., more eclectic and playful). They were creative and unconventional and preferred fashion brands perceived as “cool”, “exciting”, and “adventurous.” Those who were more conscientious tended to be self-assured and individualistic in their fashion choices. And women with all the above personality types were less likely to feel the need to camouflage their bodies, possibly feeling sufficiently unbothered by body ideal pressures.

On the other hand, those women who were more introverted with a low openness to experience and a desire to try to camouflage (related to poor body image) favored a minimalist style (jeans and a t-shirt).

While the research results do not account for every aspect of personality, we can extrapolate from these findings. Essentially, the better women felt about their bodies, the more likely they were to use clothes for self-expression and enjoyment. And those who did not attempt to camouflage their bodies, presented with a more positive body-image. They also had a tendency to be more extroverted, conscientious, and open to experience.

This does not mean these personality traits cause you to feel better about your body. Rather, it means that the presence of these personality traits along with more self-assurance may allow you to feel freer to express yourself without feeling the need to hide away.

So whatever personality style you have, with a positive body image, you can create outfits that support it without feeling a need to make yourself smaller. I’ve put together some outfit choices for different personality traits that of course can be worn by anyone looking to express or enhance their positive body image. Note that I have taken some creative liberties and it’s not an exhaustive list of possibilities. It’s only meant to get you started.

Outfit 1

Personality type: extrovert, openness to experience, conscientious

Dress explanation: a sparkly red dress and sparkly shoes are attention-grabbing, and capture the extroverted spirited as well as a willingness to try something new. The white shirt and tie is characteristic of the organized, detail-oriented (aka conscientious) among us.

 Outfit 2

 Personality types: introvert, open to experience, less conscientious

Dress explanation: the neutral color scheme reflects a calming, introverted vibe. The modern cuts suggest an openness to experience, and the mules are laid-back, similar to someone lower in conscientiousness.

 Outfit 3

Personality: extrovert, less open to experience, more conscientious

 Dress explanation: an all pink outfit grabs attention for a more extroverted vibe. The matchy-matchy look is perfect for someone who likes to stick with the tried-and-true, and details such as ankle ties on the shoes show glimpses of conscientiousness.

Do any of these styles fit your personality type?

Fashion Retailers Know What Makes You Spend, Do You?

Let’s play a game. It’s called Name that Mission, and you have to identify which mission belongs to which fashion retailer. Okay, go….

1.       To create a unique retail experience with an eye toward creativity and a singular focus on pleasing our customer.

2.       To deliver great value to our customers every day.

3.       To give customers what they want; and get it to them faster than anyone else.

4.       To connect people with the joy of luxury and fashion that lasts a lifetime and beyond.

5.       To make effortless silhouettes that celebrate the feminine figure and pioneers sustainable practices, focusing on people and progress each step of the way.

 Fashion Retailers: Net-a-Porter, TJ Maxx, Reformation, Zara, Anthropologie

 Were you able to figure it out? If not, the answers are at the end of the post.

Okay, so why did I have you do that exercise, you say? I want to emphasize that each fashion retailer has a vision for their business, all with a slightly different focus that may be more or less appealing to you. Personally, I find them all quite appealing, and I think that’s the point—to be able to develop a mission that is attractive enough to as many people as possible. Because of course, the bottom line is to be able to make sales. And in order to do so retailers have to understand their customer. In fact, they spend a lot of time and money doing so.

Many books and blog posts are dedicated to helping retailers understand how to get customers to their store; and much of this knowledge relies on an understanding of psychology or human behavior. While this is great for retailers, and us too if they offer us what we want, it can be a problem when retailers have a better understanding of us as customers than we have of ourselves. Without self-awareness, we place ourselves at risk of overspending as a faulty way to cope with personal issues. So here are three closely related triggers that cause us to overspend; and some ways to offset them. 

1.       Dopamine

It seems dopamine has become the new buzz word, but in case you aren’t sure what it is, it’s a neurotransmitter. Neurotransmitters sends messages between neurons, nerve cells that send messages from the brain to the body so that the body knows what it’s supposed to be doing (that’s how your body knows to click on the link to this post). Dopamine specifically, is involved in pleasure; and research shows it is released whenever we anticipate a reward. So if you are excited about going shopping for an event later in the day, dopamine is released as soon as you made the plans. Once you find that perfect outfit, dopamine reinforces the desire to shop which keeps you looking forward to doing it again. On the other hand, if you don’t find the outfit you were looking for, your dopamine levels drop, and this increases your motivation to find what you want. In fact, when a situation becomes unpredictable, your anticipation increases, and releases more dopamine than if you found what you were looking for. This can explain why we shop til we drop looking for what we can’t find (or at least I do, ha!).

 So what role does dopamine play in overspending? Well, a closely related concept to overspending is impulsive buying; and according to researchers it is “a sudden compelling, hedonically complex purchase behavior in which the rapidity of the impulse purchase decision precludes any thoughtful deliberate consideration of alternatives or future implications.” So basically, you buy things you didn’t intend on a whim.

 Some researchers say online shopping increases impulse buying because of easy access, and other researchers say in-person shopping increases impulse buying because there is more sensory stimulation; and then there are researchers who suggest it is more dependent on personal factors. Either way marketing strategies such as easy online payment and free shipping; sales and discounts; and visual merchandizing are all enticing and used by retailers to increase impulse buying. These eye-catching tactics can all lead to an influx of dopamine if it causes us to anticipate a reward. Since so many of us shop online nowadays, just the act of anticipating a package increases dopamine which in turn reinforces us to shop online.

 2.       Boredom

 It’s something we all experience from time-to-time, but did you know that research shows being bored can have an effect on impulse buying? According to researchers some people shop online for clothing impulsively to avoid the monotony and frustration of boredom, particularly if they are into fashion. And these people are particularly vulnerable to the marketing strategies mentioned above. Social media also triggers them to buy as they compare their bored state to others who seems to have so much more fun and look great doing it. Some feel the need to reward themselves for the boredom they have endured, and thus an impulse purchase feels like the right thing in the moment. Altogether these examples show that a negative mindset may cause people to feel they deserve to buy something on impulse; and just the act of filling the shopping basket can lead to a burst of pleasure (thanks to dopamine). While many of us may shop for clothes to alleviate a negative mindset from time to time, be aware of making it a habit as it can lead to overspending, making it more difficult to process and manage negative feelings.

 3.        A Desire to Feel Good About Ourselves

Research shows that boredom contributes to the feeling of being meaningless. When we are bored, we are often looking for something that interests us, and often the lowest hanging fruit is social media which is full of people in beautiful clothes, and ads that feature the beautiful clothes. Research shows that boredom tends to be complicated by context (e.g., being alone) which can lead to feelings of meaningfulness, and an unsatisfying social identity. So we buy impulsively to verify our identity through clothing. And while we want our clothes to be self-affirming and support our identity, we don’t want to buy impulsively as a way to feel better about ourselves. This makes us more likely to buy clothes we regret later, and does not lead to lasting self-esteem. Because if the right clothes can give us our self-esteem, the wrong ones can take it away.

Some ways to offset these issues and avoid overspending is to be aware of the way our brain responds to anticipation and perceived rewards, negative mood, and feelings of inadequacy; and adjust our behaviors accordingly. So for instance, while sales tactics and visual merchandizing may be pleasing to us, and reinforce the desire for perceived rewards (i.e., a great outfit); be clear on what it is you need in your wardrobe, even if you have to carry a reminder with you. And if it doesn’t fit what you need, don’t buy it.

Answers to Name That Mission: 1. Anthropologie 2. TJ Maxx 3. Zara 4. Net-a-Porter 5. Reformation

Drawing Style From Pain

“What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger” is an old adage many of us have used to feel better about the hard times we face. It reminds us that we must draw our strength from pain, whether we want to or not, in order to survive, or better yet, thrive. A closely related concept is the idea of creating art out of pain. History is filled with individuals and people groups who have created something beautiful from pain. In fact, much of creativity evolves from some sort of dis-ease, a desire to get something out in a way that relieves the uneasiness. I’m often interested in cultural movements like hip-hop— a culture that originated from the creative minds of an oppressed people with few resources. It’s not only expressed through music but through clothing and the way people style themselves. That is in essence, drawing style from pain, clothing style to be exact. And by pain, I mean anything that creates a disturbance in us. Of course, fashion never takes the place of dealing with emotional difficulties through clinical interventions like therapy and medication. But it can be used as a supplement in much the same way art therapy uses art to assist with healing.

So if whole cultural movements do it, how do we as individuals use pain to develop our style? Is that even a thing? Let’s consider the Rudd and Lennon model of body aesthetics. According to the model, we internalize cultural ideas of beauty and create our appearance accordingly. When we are not satisfied with our created appearance or others’ assessments of it, we develop coping strategies. Some of them include, trying harder, giving up and feeling badly about how we look, and changing our own personal standard of what is beautiful.

So this model gives us some insight into a few things. 1. It’s difficult to develop our sense of style without responding to a cultural ideal. 2. We should try to be aware of how we have internalized these standards and how they affect us. And 3. We can create our own personal style based upon the standards we have internalized and rework them to express various aspects of ourselves. I believe it is in this re-working process that we draw style from pain. Let’s say someone perceives us as shall we say, less than attractive.  We can try harder to fit their ideal or feel badly about ourselves (neither is appealing). Or we can change our personal standard of what is beautiful. One way to do that is to dig deep, figure out what interests us, what we like, and how that relates to who we are. If we are successful at doing this, we stop placing so much value on our looks (so it’s fine if you are considered beautiful or average) and place it on the things that give us joy. This is where our beauty lies. It is from this space we can create. And ironically, what started as painful becomes art. So how do we do turn pain into clothing style, practically speaking?

Ok. Here are my ideas.

1.       Exposure

Study your surroundings. Watch people, nature, and the way things move and interact around you. What do you like or don’t like? I loved the grey hair with pink tint on this lady, or the way that girl wore her head scarf, or the unique swagger that guy had. I also liked the way that flamingo looked perched on the gate... (you get the idea). We may not always know how these experiences will translate into our clothing style, but keep it stored and see if we can use it to turn pain into something creative later.  

Study different forms of media- art books, art history books, magazines, coffee table books, online images. We can get inundated with social media so looking at books can be a refreshing change, particularly old design books that can provide a wealth of context for our modern world, and maybe even our pain.

seeing what’s out there

2.       Dress the Different Parts of you

During periods of discouragement or sadness you still have to get dressed. So what parts of you would you be excited to express. An edgy side, a feminine side, a [insert here] side… The idea is that we have all seen some aspects of someone or something we connect to, and this is in an indication that what we see is a part of us. Similar to actors who are able to play different roles b/c they pull from a part of them that can relate to the character, even if it isn’t pretty. I have these floral, wide leg pants that I call my Jimi Hendrix pants. They remind me of something Jimi Hendrix would wear, and I love them. But what is it that I really love? Jimi Hendrix is way more wild than I’ll ever be, yet something about his wild, cool vibe, and crazy colored clothing seems exciting and fun—that is, there is a little bit of that I can relate to. So I wear it to express that part. Maybe it just makes me feel better; or it’s a side of me that is being overshadowed by a more discouraged side, and I want to let the wild side out. Whatever the reason, we can use positive self-expression to drown out the pain. Here are some different sides that I like to express with my clothes.

Rock star Pants (i.e., my jimi hendrix pants)

quirky school teacher or maybe Librarian Chic

dreamy with a dose of practicality

3.       Make the details the main thing

In this age of the internet, there is no new outfit under the sun. There isn’t going to be a store no one else has access to. There isn’t going to be an item of clothing only you have—unless you make it yourself maybe. The point is, everyone has access to everything, so developing your style based upon clothing pieces alone may not feel unique or interesting enough to combat the pain. It’s all about how you put pieces together—how you mix the ingredients. And starting from a place of pain has it’s advantages because our pain is unique to us. What does your discomfort make you feel; and how can you put outfits together in a way that draws from the pain in a creative way? Often, if my outfit isn’t really speaking to me, I make it about my nail color or jewelry, the way a shirt is tucked in, or the way I wear a scarf, and somehow it makes me feel better about my outfit. The other day I saw a celebrity in a string of pearls and a T-shirt and was immediately drawn to it. Why? It’s no secret I love juxtaposition but somehow it seemed fresh—maybe because it was just one string of pearls, understated and elegant with a throw away T-shirt. It felt accessible and faux upscale in a fun way—it felt like a energizing way to combat some of the discouragement I was feeling. More recently, I was admiring pointy black nails and minty green short nails—both very different looks, but both expressed something beyond my pain. A little vamp, a little uptown…something other than discouragement. In much the same way a boxer might box to release tension, drawing style from pain allows us to release our negative energy into something productive.

all about the head scarf…or coat

all about the string of pearls

What are your ideas about drawing style from pain? Is this something you are attuned to? I’d love to hear your thoughts.