BE: A Podcast About Us

Several years back, my friend, Myriam and I decided to try a podcast. And I’m proud to say we did our first one. But then life got in the way- or at least my way, and I never got around to editing it. Since I didn’t have much skill in editing, it seemed like an overwhelming task I kept pushing back. But never one to not finish anything, I decided to go ahead and put it together— better late than never, right?

And of course, since it is our first one, there are some kinks- like a whole section of our talk wasn’t taped. (What had happened was…) We were knee-deep in conversation, and I didn’t realize the SD card was full. By the time I noticed that the video stopped, a large chunk of our conversation had past and I didn’t know it. I just started a new video, and unfortunately, it only caught the tale end of our conversation. So please forgive me for the abrupt ending.

But anyhoo, this talk is all about introducing who we are and the reason we decided to do the podcast. We also delve a bit into our career woes. If you can relate, drop a line in the comments section. We’d love to hear from you, and any topics you’d like us to cover.

Trend Spot: Lamp Tables

So I was sifting through piles of interesting junk at the flea market when I came across what looked like a classic mid-century Platner side table. My heart leaped because it isn’t often I find a classic at my local flea market. After clearing out the table, I saw that it was attached to a lamp with a less than thrilling lampshade on top—not exactly what I was looking for. At the time, I had no vision for a lamp table and thought the table would have been perfect without it. I’d always associated lamp tables with being a little hokey or dated, and had a hard time figuring out how I could make it work. So I sat there for 20 minutes (literally) trying to decide if I should get the table or not. I thought of cutting out the lamp but that would have been a disaster. Without a clear vision, I decided to just let it go, and walked away. I wasn’t quiet settled in my decision as I knew anything that looked like a Platner table was hard to find.

After walking away, I decided to look it up and found a number of lamp tables online, including the one I saw! “Wait, did I misjudge this piece?” I learned it was a reproduction, but a really good vintage one. I immediately turned around and power-walked my way back to the vendor hoping no one had taken the lamp. And luckily, it was sitting right there, out in the open. No one even noticed it, including the vendor who was just happy to get rid of it.

On the way home with my new lamp table in tow, I wondered if this is how people adapt to new styles. I started out with no intention of buying a lamp table, and didn’t even think they were that cute until this experience propelled me to consider a new vision for it. I already loved the table, but couldn’t accept the lamp until I realized it was a classic piece, and could possibly work in my space. Maybe sometimes that’s all we need, just to consider that something could work; or even better, seeing it presented in a way that we can relate to.

In honor of my new, not yet styled lamp table, I’m featuring a few that might make you re-think the lamp table. Some are no longer available, but I’m showing them anyway so you can see what’s out there, particularly if you were like me, and lamp tables aren’t on your radar.

One obvious thing about these lamp tables is their functionality. How convenient is it to have a lamp and table all in one. But pure function does not a beautiful piece make, and it’s up to designers to blend function and aesthetics—something all these designers have in common. This nickel finish lamp table from Miles Redd is classic traditional glamour. It adds glitz to a modern traditional setting, but like with any piece of furniture, it can probably work in most settings if it fits in with your vision for the space.

This minimalist modern lamp by Paolo Cappello and Simone Sabatti, made of metal and wood, looks great against ornate architecture like the molding on this wall. I love the juxstaposition of minimal and maximal styles.

Here is one from Urban Outfitters in all its bohemian minimal glory. It’s tall, lean, wood and aluminum structure work together to create a modern vintage look.

Here is Justina Blakeney’s version of the lamp table from her new line at Target. This rattan and metal lamp table with the large, elongated lampshade gives-off warm vintage vibes in such a homey way.

Have you thought about lamp tables? Which ones do you like the best? I’m looking forward to styling mine with a patterned lampshade for the living room. Pic to come.

Miles Redd Articulating Floor Lamp/Cappello & Sabatti Ozz Lamp/Victor Tripod Floor Lamp/Mix Material Shelf Floor Lamp by Justina Blakeney for Target

Different Time, Same Style: Special Occasion

I continue to be fascinated by the clothing people wore to express themselves in previous eras. It’s a lot to consider—their personality, ideas about clothing passed down to them by parents or caretakers, wider cultural ideas about what specific pieces meant, the social-political zeitgeist, and how a person put it all together to create their unique sartorial expression. I like to take this stroll down memory lane a step further by conceptualizing what these people from eras past would wear today, in our time and culture. When I see a picture of someone from the past, I consider what factors impacted their clothing choices that day. While I take creative liberties, I look for relatable themes I use to construct what their outfit might look like today if they were the same age in the picture. For this installment of Different Time Same Style (DTSS), I’m exploring our mom’s clothing choices— mine and my friend Myriam’s mom to be exact. I’m focusing on special occasions, as getting dressed up to go out really brought out the fashionista in these women.

In order to understand our moms’ sartorial choices, let’s consider their history. Myriam’s mom, Ms. Zula, always liked clothes, and her interest in clothes came from her mother. Though she did not grow up with a lot of money, her mother made sure she was put together with her hair combed and styled. She was drawn to dressing up, and described her style as “fancy".” In her adult life, Ms. Zula moved from Haiti to the States. Like many Caribbean women, she worked hard to create a good life for her children and family in a new country; and instilled many values in them like responsibility and pride. So being well-dressed one way to express these values.

In this picture, Ms. Zula is dressed up for a holiday function— a time we all love to show off or best gear. When Ms. Zula was asked about her outfit choice in this picture, she said she felt good about her dress. She liked the color and the way it fit. She had no qualms about wearing red and pink because “they go together.” Sometimes people shy away from the tension created when you combine variations of a hue, but not Ms. Zula! She just felt it was pretty and that was enough. I find that carefree approach so refreshing. Also, Ms. Zula’s fine jewelry is significant to her. Both the necklace and broach are the first expensive pieces she bought with her own money, and she still has the pieces today! I think having sentimental pieces is the ultimate form of self-expression— it cuts through trends to create a wardrobe that has personal meaning.

The elements that stood out for me in Ms. Zula’s outfit are the prettiness, the carefree quality of combining variations of a hue, and the refined, significant pieces of jewelry. See how I think Ms. Zula would style her outfit today.

Carolina Herrera dress/ Saint Laurent sandals/ Marni bag/ Oscar De La Renta broach/ Kate Spade necklace / Inspo photo

And next we have my mom. If you saw me talk about her in my intro video, you heard me say my mom wasn’t into fashion at all. For the record, I’d like to correct that statement. What I meant to say was that she did not necessarily know name brands, or scour through fashion magazines. BUT, she definitely enjoyed expressing herself through clothes and had her own unique way of dressing. Like Ms. Zula, my mom came from the Caribbean— Jamaica. She later lived in England for 15 years before deciding to relocate her family to the States. I think for her, America represented opportunities, and a chance to live a good life—one that she enjoyed expressing through her clothes.

In this picture, my mom was going to church— an integral part of my her life that gave her many opportunities to get dressed up. When I asked her about her outfit in this picture, she said it is a “two-piece” light pink suit; and she wanted to wear a suit because it was “more sophisticated” than a dress. She chose light pink because “everyone was wearing” it at that that time. And of course, it all had to match to appear really put together. She also wore a lacquered rattan purse with a wooden handle (the same one I rock today) because she thought it looked “stylish” and couldn’t find it anywhere else. All of this lets me know, appearing polished, cultured, and unique was high on her list, and a reflection of what she valued.

The elements that stood out for me were the suit with pastels and pleats. The masculine touches on this otherwise feminine ensemble likely created the sense of “sophistication” my mother was drawn to. The matching, monochromatic color scheme suggests effort and thoughtfulness—very much unlike the carefree, I-woke-up-like-this look we value now. I thought about how my mom would incorporate the sense of pride reflected in matching her pieces (which is more ironic and nostalgic now) with the more carefree style of dressing we revel in today.

Marco De Vincenzo dress/ Max Mara blazer/ Mehry Mu bag/ Prada shoes/ Thada velvet headband/ Inspo photo/ Chloe shades

Here is my mom again at my brother’s graduation. It was the end of the 70’s and everything felt heavier and weightier, and clothing felt thicker and less airy (think old school polyester). Though much time has past, some staples remain. It’s hard to see from the picture (sorry about that) but my mom is wearing a light pink skirt suit—super cute then and now, right?! When asked why she chose the outfit, she said “I thought it was very pretty…When I saw it I loved it right away…It fit me so well.” Now here is a woman who knows what she likes. For those who tend to deliberate before buying something, there’s definitely something to be said for knowing “it” when you see it. If you have to think too much about it, it may not be the right piece for you— agree?

The major element that stood out to me was the tweed-like matching skirt suit, reminiscent of Jackie O. Perhaps if my mother were the same age today, she would update it with a bustier (probably not, that’s more me) and thong mules that make the outfit appear lighter, and less stuffy than in previous years.

Giambattista Valli blazer/ Giambattista Valli skirt/ Brother Vellies shoes/ YSL handbag/ Prada sunglasses/ Nicholas bustier/ Inspo photo

Do you agree with my interpretation? How do you think these women would style their outfits today?

The Unfinished Home (And My Time Away)

It’s’ been about three years since I wrote a blog post, and I never meant to be gone that long. I only intended to stop blogging for a short time until I pulled certain things together. There were goals I wanted to accomplish like jump-start my children’s book writing career, create my design psychology classes, and move forward with my consultation services, all while maintaining my job as a psychological evaluator. So several weeks turned into months, which turned into years. I told myself I was just taking a short break, and felt somewhat good about it. It was a relief to have less work to do, to not feel pressure to present a business and brand without the resources to make it what I wanted. I used the time to step back and re-evaluate my values. Did I want to be consumed with frustration over not having the content I wanted to deliver, posting things under pressure to post something and struggling to make it feel consistent with my vision for my business? Or did I want to slow it down (even though I was over 40 and felt way behind), and let it be okay to take time to pull things together? I decided to do the latter knowing at some point I’d return. I completed my children’s writing course, wrote a few hopefully-soon-to-be published stories, put together a psychology of dress class, focused on offering design psychology services , and continued my interior design studies. All of this outside of the realm of blogging and social media. In fact, I stopped going on social media almost completely, and felt the break was much needed. Fighting the anxiety of comparison and the pull to allow others’ stories to make me feel like I’m not where I should be became a distraction that prevented me from truly seeing what was on my own plate. I am learning to be more in the moment and focus on things in my life that are also valuable beyond career (like my family). Thankfully, being in the moment (what mindfulness and mediation is all about) helps to slow down my “what-if”, “I-don’t-have”, and “what-if-I-never” thoughts. I had not set a date to return but felt it was time to start again, only slower and more focused, and more mindful of purpose—God’s purpose for me.

While away, I also had time to focus on my home. I moved into my home about seven years ago; and did not hire a designer to help me decorate; nor did I have a budget set aside for decorating. A design psychology client of mine once asked me what I tell my clients about how to complete a decoration project when they do not have a budget. And it got me thinking that there are probably many of us who do not really have a budget for decorating, although it would be nice.  I shared that it may be helpful to set aside a savings, no matter how small, from each paycheck for furniture pieces we chose. This is meant to keep the decorating progress moving no matter how slow. However, for myself, my home evolved even more organically than that. While I had a vision for my home, I did not have pieces necessarily picked out as I do for clients. I spent much of my time curating; and had no way of knowing when I would find the “right” piece, or if I did, would it be within my budget. From my own experience curating a home overtime, here are a few things I’ve learned along with some pics of my home so far (you may also recognize them from my newly updated website, *wink*).

1.       Learn to be happy while your home is the way it is.

 This is a loaded statement, I know. How can we be happy about an unfinished home? For some it may stop them from having the dinner parties they envisioned or having friends over. Others may be so preoccupied with the vision of a decorated home in their head that they couldn’t possibly figure out how to be happy with the current state of it. I can relate to all of these; yet while it may be difficult to be happy with the way your home is now, it’s an opportunity to realize that happiness isn’t created by having a fully put together decor as much as happiness is reflected in the decor. In much the same way, insecurities thrive when your value is inextricably tied to your level of success, not when you understand that any success is really only a reflection of your value. In psychology, we call this being internally motivated rather than intrinsically motivated. So if everything isn’t in place, learn to sit in that reality and be okay anyway, knowing you’ll make it better with pieces that you truly love rather than lesser adequate pieces that don’t reflect you. That brings me to my next point.

2.       It’s okay to wait for what you really want.

I have an area in my home that has been empty for a while. I’ve been looking for a console table, and bought a few less than adequate pieces I’ve since gotten rid of. Of course, I didn’t quite know they weren’t adequate at the time. I  bought them because I thought they could possibly be something, only to realize they weren’t. I had that gut feeling you get when you know it isn’t right but you’re still trying to work with it. By the time I got through a few poor choices, I had time to think about what I really wanted. I saw consoles in interior books and mags that actually excited me, and I became more certain about choice. As of now, I still have not found the piece, but I’ll certainly know it when I see it. And I learned a valuable lesson. The more I thought about and searched for the console that I wanted, the more I realized what I really wanted. I had to imagine, ponder, and visualize it. In psychology, we refer to this as divergent thinking, a key component of creativity. It allows us to look beyond the obvious to see things in different or unique ways. It allows us to persistently ask “what if?” This actually requires strenuous effort and dedication, as any artist or creative person will tell you. But if you persevere and don’t give in to the need to fill a space, the piece you find will likely be more meaningful and a more authentic expression of you.

3.        Make what you have as great as you can until you get better.

I have a friend who can make the most mundane furnishings look good. It’s not necessarily about the furnishings, but more about her slight of hand. She puts her all into it, in the only way she could. And it feels warm and settled. Sometimes we can be overly focused on trends to make our home, and make us feel more…something. But really, it’s not what we truly enjoy about our home. Trends come and go, but a home that is warm, comfortable, and harmonious usually stays with us. My kids aren’t concerned with what is trendy, they just know it’s “home”. And as we get older, our childhood experience of home is what impacts our own home design. In design psychology, clients complete an environmental autobiography that helps determine what aspects of home they most connect to and why; and how they have attempted to recreate that, albeit unconsciously, in their own home. This allows them to create a home they connect with on a deeper, emotional level that goes beyond of-the-moment furniture. One practical way to make an unfinished room feel as great as you can is to clean it out and throw away what you no longer need or want (so you’re not looking at furniture you don’t want all day), and re-style what you do have. This can give you a new perspective on what you have, and allows you to better see what you really want. Next, just like my elusive console, leave the spaces that need filling blank—don’t put anything else in its place (unless you want to of course). This leaves room for you to imagine or envision the piece you want there. And often when you get the piece, it feels like it’s always been there.  A home should continue to grow with you,  and so you’ll likely repeat this process throughout your time in the home. So in that sense, a home is never truly finished, it is just evolving.  

Tell me about parts of your home that are not finished. How have you been dealing with it?

My Favorite Things from the Annual Kips Bay Decorator Show House 2018

Well better late than never! I've been wanting to share my Kips Bay Show House tour with you since forever, but have been side tracked with my full-time job-- what a pesky little nuisance it's been (not the helping people part, the amount of time it takes from my day part). Thankfully I'm planning to go part-time in the fall, and should have more opportunities to do things for Trulery, like keep up with the blog, see consulting clients, teach, and do research on dress and emotional functioning. I'm really excited about getting the chance to do  different things so I'll keep you posted. But back to the Kips Bay! This year I went back with my friend Maribel fully expecting to see fun, quirky, and chic designs I can steal. I brought my camera this time, but of course neglected to take my wide angle lens, making it kind of difficult to capture full rooms or wider spaces. So instead of featuring full rooms, I've captured favorite aspects of rooms I really like-- which is what I'm usually drawn to anyway when I go to show houses. I look forward to taking bits and pieces of rooms I can store and use in my own space.

This year's show house was beautiful-- a 19th century Upper East side mansion originally designed by August Hatfield in the neo-Grec style (think stately Brooklyn brownstones with simple lines and incised, carved ornamentation). This year there were lots of lady-like spaces with Chineoiserie, mixed in with edgy, alluring, and colorful interiors. Here are some of the spaces that caught my eye.

This room, simply entitled "Bedroom" was designed by Katie Ridder. It feels sweet and inviting with it's bohemian mix of prints, textures and styles. I really appreciated the stenciling on the walls. It didn't feel hokey, and was a crafty way to add visual interest to the top part of the room, which kept it from being too bottom heavy.

Here is the other side Ridder's room. It's modern, fancy, and proper with the mirrored wall making the space feel more expansive and dramatic. The abstract, modern artwork ties in all the colors nicely.

There was a lot going on in this room and I found it quiet enjoyable (I'm kind of a maximalist although I try not to be). This room, "Cherry Bitters", designed by David Netto, has a mix of modern, mid-century, and ornate furnishings with white wrapped books for a strong architectural statement.  I'm not exactly sure what the name Cherry Bitters is referring to but the cherry wood walls make the white and bits of color stand out for an overall modern statement.

This little corner of Phillip Mitchell's room, "Drawing Room", was just one of the cozy nooks in this room. The elaborate picture frame with the cheeky picture, the rattan with floral printed cushions, the wall of art, and the moldings all create a space that feels both upscale and relaxed at the same time.

Designer, Brian Del Toro calls this "Laura's Room." And I don't know who Laura is but I can imagine Laura living here. This traditional Chinoiserie room with it's recognizable bird, floral motif is offset with modern, graphic lines like the scalloped tufting of the headboard, angular side table, and boldly shaped chandelier.

All the pretty extends to the other side of Del Toro's room. This must be where Laura gets gussied up for her date with... Tod (?). 

"Olympia Folly" is the name of this room designed by Alexa Hampton, and it pretty much describes the essence of the room. The room draws from the classical period (think Greek and Rome architecture during BC or the early centuries) and brings it into the 21st century. I like the  pairing of orange and red, and the mural wall covering.

Sasha Bikoff's "Stairway to Heaven" hallway was a showstopper. I'm only sorry I didn't have my wide angle lens to capture it more fully for you. But as you can see it's a smorgasbord for the senses. She incorporated black and white artwork of hip hop artists on the walls giving it an edgy, party-like-a-rock star feel.

I dig these chairs, and together with the waterfall mirror, they capture the ultra modern, fantasy vibe of the hallway. 

I really loved this "Look of the Day" dressing room by Marcia Tucker. The muted colors, cushy padded walls, feminine details, clean lines, and bold lighting did it for me. Just goes to show a chic dressing room doesn't have to be decked out with glitzy, glammy furnishings and stand out colors.

This rainbow ceiling in Barbara Ostrom's "Art and Ala Carte" room is so ooh-aah, and pleasantly unexpected in this grand, first lady style space. 

This is the entryway to the show house, and I loved the mural against the black and white fabric. I actually planned to put a black and white forest motif mural in my dining room, but after seeing this colored one, it's changed my mind about colored murals. 

What part of the show house do you like the most?

Family Getaway, Career Update, & Other Thoughts

Hi there! It's been a little while since I've blogged but I'm learning that blogging sometimes is better than not blogging at all. Truth be told, I've had a bit of a difficult year. My work load at my full-time job increased, leaving me little time to work on my wardrobe/interior consulting business and related projects. This tested my perseverance, and I felt trapped in my job. These kinds of trials have a way of bringing out our deepest insecurities, and I became overwhelmed with resentment, regret, and fear of failure. Although I wanted so badly to leave my job as a psychological evaluator, I was not in the financial position to do so, and I continued to work and serve in disappointment (a la Sarah Jakes Roberts). This has been one of the most difficult things I have had to do but I think God has a way of purging us before we become all that we want to be. Otherwise, if we take our insecurities with us, our success will be built on a shaky foundation, and we may not be strong enough to handle success with all of its pressures.

As of now, I continue to work around my full-time schedule. I'm still running the consulting business, and I have put together a social psychology of dress class that I hope to teach in a university or elsewhere. I also managed to start a podcast with my college friend, called Be: Finding Ourselves through Relationships. It's a chat show that explores friendships and topics of interest. We already did one episode and hope to get that  up and running shortly. Also, I earned a certificate in design psychology last year, and I'm currently working on a certificate in interior design. I'm excited to use all my new skills in my business. While things may be happening slower than I expected, I have faith that it is still happening.

So with all of that, my family and I decided to go on a pre-summer getaway to Orlando. We didn't do Disney, and from others' reactions, I'm realizing that is not the norm.  "Are you going to Disney?" was pretty much the standard line of questioning from anyone I told about the trip. But NOPE, it was just a chance to get away, spend quality time with my kiddos and husby, and most of all de-stress. Keeping in mind that I haven't taken a trip in a while, I had to get use to having so much free time. My husband planned the trip so I wasn't sure what to expect but it was fun for the kids, and pretty relaxing for me. We stayed at the Holiday Inn resort, and it was a true family resort with bright colors, palm trees everywhere, and lots of activities for the kids.

Our hotel suite was simple, functional, with some modern design elements. The color scheme was neutral with pops of yellow, blue, and red; and it felt fresh and fun.

While I appreciate resorts and what they have to offer families, I'm always interested in seeing where and how "real" people live-- even in Central Florida which pretty much looks like the rest of America with palm trees. Kind of like this below, but I'm usually into homes that are a little less....scary?

Since we didn't have the time to devote to some serious house-stalking (with three bouncing children), we decided to visit flea markets where "real" people sell their stuff. We didn't find any that stood out, but we came across some ethnic food stands and must-have smoothies.

After we had enough of exploring, it was all about the pool, for the kids that is. I, on the other hand, chose to spend my time in the hot tub since I already decided that I was not going to get my hair wet- the vanity! I know.

On other days, we decided to do some learning (to make up for the kids being out of school and all that).  We toured the marshlands looking for alligators (we saw half of one) and got a glimpse of how indigenous people lived. I'm always so intrigued by the lifestyles and homes of natives and early settlers.

(I thought I'd spruce up this amazing marshland with a little pink.)

Of course, there's always room for ice-cream!

...And antique stores! I found this wonderfully chaotic junk store while trying to drag my family to another vintage store I saw online but couldn't find. I was not able to search all that well with the kids, but saw some cute pieces. 

This is the face I was making by the time I realized I was ready to come home- ha! not really. I was glad to be away, but coming home isn't bad either. We actually missed our flight (blame it on the security lines) and ended up flying at night. It was inconvenient but it worked out. Check out the view from the airplane -just breathtaking *sigh*.

Last but not least, our plane selfie- well it's not really a selfie but ya know...