Struggling to Create Your Ideal Home? Try Changing Your Mindset

letting my imagination rip with these ai rooms. Creating anyway you can even without the resources you wish you had is what keeps your passions going.

Grand Red Striped bedRoom created by me in Midjourney.

With social media, we have more access to ideal homes than ever before. No longer relegated to seeing the homes of a few select celebrities in magazines, we get to see homes by regular people who are killing it and making a name for themselves. It’s really easy to get inspired by the homes of these “regular” people, especially when you share a similar sense of style. But what if your vision is bigger than your wallet or resources, and you can’t make inspired changes to your home as quickly or as regularly as you’d like? You may end up feeling discouraged, begin to compare yourself to others, and start to doubt your sense of style. 

If this sounds familiar, you’re no different than the rest of us. But it’s important to be able to insulate yourself from this type of design discouragement that puts a damper on your creativity and ultimately your well-being. According to design psychology, our ideal home should meet more than our aesthetic needs, but our psychological needs as well. That’s our need for love, belonging, and self-expression. And if your home does not satisfy you psychologically— that is, if it does not feel like a true reflection of you, you may experience disconnect and distress, particularly if your experiencing disconnection in other areas of your life. 

futuristic cottage created by me in midjourney.

So while there are many ways to fix up your home with limited resources, this post is for those days when you feel too discouraged about the state of your home to look on the bright side. Oftentimes, it comes down to understanding the type of control you have over the design of your home. Theories of control propose that there are three types of control we can have over our environment. There is behavioral control, which is the ability to take action;  decisional control, the ability to choose; and cognitive control, the ability to change the way we interpret events in our environment.

We might not have the ability to take action and completely gut our bathrooms or kitchens. Or we may feel our options are too limiting to make it our ideal home, but we can change the way we think of our home; and reinterpret the way we believe we can make it better for us and those who share our space. I like to think of it as creative control. 

While reading through the fall 2023 issue of House Beautiful magazine, I came across the home of designer and co-founder of Collagerie and Colville Official,  Lucinda Chambers. It’s a wonderfully, colorful, quirky, stylized home that has been curated over time rather than “designed” in the formal sense. Interviewed by Deputy Managing Editor, Olivia Hosken, Chambers shared that she has lived in the home for 30 years, and bought it when it was “shabby and uninteresting.” What’s more, she isn’t afraid to make design mistakes, championed the idea that there is always an opportunity to start over, and offered that it’s okay for a home to take a long time to come together.  

While we can make assumptions about Chambers’ behavioral and decisional control, her decision to move into a home that was less than enticing, and commit to making it her own over time suggests that she was able to maintain cognitive control. That is, she adapted during the in-betweens when maybe her home was less than she wanted it to be. Typically, homes that are well curated are appealing b/c of the joy each piece brings to the dweller; and in turn, the dweller is able to integrate it into the home in a way that is appealing to others. While a single keepsake, accessory, or furnishing may not be enough to make the whole house feel showcase ready, over time individual pieces begin to make a big impact. Don’t underestimate the ability to choose meaningful pieces from anywhere, a junk shop, big box store, or online that add something intangible to your burgeoning ideal home, making it feel more like a reflection of you, more psychologically satisfying. 

So for those moments when you are discouraged about your home decor and wish certain elements were in place, consider ways you can exercise cognitive control and think of your space in a different way. Here are some ideas.

grandmillenial room by me in midjourney.

1. Leave a space empty

Years ago, I read an article in Domino magazine that addressed the reality of trying to decorate your home in your 20’s without the financial stability to afford coveted high-end pieces. It suggested leaving an empty space to make room (mentally and physically) for the high-end furnishings you will afford in the future. Not only is this practice designed to keep you focused on saving up for the piece you want so you no longer have to stare at an empty space, it is also a form of affirmation. That is, every time you see the empty space it reminds you of what you are working towards and gives you the zeal to go get it. 

2. Use filler furnishings

If the empty space doesn’t work for you, you can also include filler furnishings. Those are place holders you use until you get the piece you want. If you don’t yet have the couch, carpet, or curtains of your dream, use what you have or buy something in its place you don’t mind looking at. The filler piece should be pretty subdued and simple, styled in the best way possible until you get what you want. 

3. Purchase an affordable, unassuming accessory you enjoy

During shopping trips, you may not be able to find the grand pricey pieces you’re looking for or you may not have the funds to purchase them. But how about buying something that seems rather insignificant, yet adds joy to your space— like a cool postcard or a candle, or even collectibles like shells or buttons. Adding these little pieces to your space or a vignette can do wonders to lift your spirits.

brown couch, pink room combo by me in Midjourney.

4. Rearrange furnishings

After seeing your furniture the same way for some time, you can begin to feel bored. So how about switching it up? Research shows that the places adults remember as their most favorite during childhood is the one they created themselves. There’s something about creating and recreating spaces with found objects that feel exciting and at times, magical. And rearranging your furnishings for a new look can give you the same jolt of excitement. It’s as if you you bought something new!

5. Do a deep purge

Sometimes, you may not be able to spend money but you can do a deep purge and get rid of everything that weighs your home down. Once you get rid of everything you don’t need, your home will feel lighter, fresher, and you’ll be in a better position to think clearly about what you need to fill the space. 

6. Create vignettes

While you may not be able to redesign a whole space, you can focus on creating smaller vignettes, and take pictures of them to build a moodboard that showcases your styling skills. It will no doubt expand your creativity, affirm your ability to be creative in less than stellar circumstances, and give you a dose of pretty while you wait to get the bigger design work done. 

What are some of the ways you take cognitive control of your space? Share it with us in the comments.

Using Your Clothing to Help You Get the Lifestyle You Want

In a recent blog post, I mentioned one way to tackle a disorganized closet is to figure out the type of lifestyle you want, and organize your wardrobe around it. While it may sound like a mere convenience, using your clothing to help you get the lifestyle you want actually goes a long way towards supporting mental health. Clothes are very much a cultural expression, and we can typically tell what cultural group someone belongs to by the way they dress.  But clothes are more than a cultural expression, they impact our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in significant ways due to a mix of neuropsychological and cultural factors.

Clothing & Cognition

My Whimsical look; Symbolizes magical and imaginative.

A theory known as the simulation theory of cognition, holds that cognitive processes are stimulated as we interact with the physical world; and just visualizing an action or thought activates the same brain activity used when the actual behavior is performed (Hesslow 2012). This can explain why imagery is so impactful as our physical experience is intricately tied to our mental processes, hence the term, embodied cognition. This means our thoughts are rooted in our physical experience and  we embody them (Craighero, 2022). 

What’s more, we embody the meaning of clothing we put on. Drawing from the theory of embodied cognition, the theory of enclothed cognition (Adam and Galinsky, 2012) postulates that wearing clothing sets in motion cognitive processes triggered by both the symbolic meaning of the clothes and the physical experience of wearing it. This phenomenon also explains role theory. That is, people adapt to the norms associated with certain roles or positions within a culture based on the cognitive schemas or scripts that they carry around with them about the position or “role” they are in. So if you are wearing a white lab coat and it has symbolic meaning for you as a result of personal and cultural experiences, it will likely trigger your schema for white coats and you’ll act accordingly. 

Clothing & Mood

My Chic Look; Symbolizes minimal yet impactful.

According to cognitive-behavioral theory, thoughts and feelings are intertwined, and a thought can trigger feelings which reinforces thoughts. With this in mind, we can understand how the experience of wearing clothes with symbolic meaning can alter our mood. Shakaila Forbes-Bell in her book, Big Dress Energy refers to the act of wearing clothes to alter your mood as wearapy; and drawing upon the concepts of enclothed cognition, posits that when we wear clothes we associate with specific schemas it can foster positive moods (e.g., dressing to feel happy, aka dopamine-dressing) or help us to lean in and process negative moods (e.g., wearing all black when in mourning). 

Sample Cases

My Quirky Look; Symbolizes A freedom to be.

So now that we understand the impact clothes can have on our thoughts and feelings, let’s see how curating clothing that fits the lifestyle we want to live can work best for us using sample cases. 

[While these stories may be inspired by real-life cases, they do not depict specific clients and any resemblance to a specific client is coincidental. Also, these sample cases are not meant to take the place of therapy or treatment. And if you are struggling in any of the areas mentioned, it is advised that you speak with a mental health professional.]

Case 1: Corrin has always enjoyed clothes but when she began to experience difficult life experiences, her interest in fashion waned. She lost her significant relationship, wasn’t fulfilled in her career, and had gained weight. Thus, she began to use clothes as a way to hide; and her go-to jeans and t-shirts became her uniform of choice. While jeans and t-shirts offered her physical comfort, her overreliance on them reflected the lack of growth she felt. 

One way to assist Corrin with using her clothing as a catalyst to overcome her distress and better manage her life is to first encourage her to do the work to process her stuckness, and realize her value and goals. She can then better determine what types of relationships she is seeking, and what career she feels will satisfy her. Next, Corrin should identify and purchase clothing she associates with the lifestyle she desires and the goals she is working towards. In turn, the act of wearing the clothes will trigger her schema for those clothes and impact her mood, causing her to feel all the things she associates with those clothes. In this way, clothing can function as her support while she is working through the process to address deeper-level issues. 

Case 2: Natalie struggled with a learning disability and continues to have insecurities about her abilities despite her intelligence. She is currently not in a job she loves, and it triggers insecurities about her ability to have a successful career. Natalie’s insecurities are reflected in her clothing choices as she wears clothes she thinks she should be wearing to look successful (often clothing she does not need or cannot really afford) rather than clothing that makes her feel empowered and confident. 

Natalie can begin by processing her insecurities and affirming her sense of value. This includes considering what it means if she does not wear the clothing she thinks she is expected to wear. Although Natalie feels she has few resources to change her job situation, she can begin to do what is in her power to make a change, even if that means taking a course or learning a new skill. She could then identify the clothing she enjoys and why. This can help her clothing choices be more internally motivated; and gives her an opportunity to choose clothes that have a positive symbolic meaning for her. More than that, Natalie’s decision to make even small strides to pursue a fulfilling career gives her some sense of control that she can mimic in her clothing choices. That is, purchasing clothes she sincerely likes to wear can be a reflection of the sense of empowerment she is developing.  As Natalie experiences clothing that has a positive meaning for her, it can alter her mood, and ignite her belief in her ability to make choices and improve her life.

In essence, while clothing alone may not fix problems, they can support us as we are working towards changing them. How do you think you can use clothing to support your life goals and the lifestyle you want? Consider clothes that have meaning for you when you wear it, and work towards building a wardrobe that supports your growth. 

What Winnie Harlow's New Digs Can Teach Us About Creating a Feeling of 'Home'

Winnie Harlow’s Dressing area photographed by Douglas Friedman for AD Magazine

I came across the glamorous home of model Winnie Harlow in Architectural Digest’s September 2023 issue. Besides dissecting every angle of her sleek new digs, I was intrigued by her story (told by Sydney Gore) and the way she created a feeling of home. Harlow is best known for being the first supermodel with vitiligo, shattering all sorts of stereotypes about what it means to be beautiful. The idea of turning a visible “condition” into a work of art admired by an industry that previously shunned it, is nothing short of genius and very modern. 

With the help of A-list interior designer, Martyn Lawrence Bullard, Harlow designed a home that exudes a laidback luxe vibe. As per the article, Harlow worked with interior designers in the past, yet they weren’t able to grasp her vision– her desire for a space that felt both glamorous and soothing. Had she worked with a design psychologist, perhaps things would have turned out differently. A design psychologist is trained to highlight the nuances in our vision for a space and translate it to an ideal design scheme, layered with meaning. 

Self-Expression is Everything

Winnie Harlow’s Family Room photographed by Douglas Freidman for AD Magazine

This “vision” we have for home may not always be easy to articulate and is rooted in our self-place connection which first appears early in childhood. As young children begin to experience the physical world, everything is new and enchanting; and it is during these moments that our emotional life and home become intertwined. Our concept of home is much more than a building, it’s a place where we have been nurtured and loved, or not. So it can be difficult to separate the details of the space from our emotional experience with it. And as we grow and experience new places, we build upon those earlier experiences of place.  

Design psychologist, Toby Israel, Ph.D. explains in her seminal book, Some Place Like Home, we experience a strong self-place connection when our space fits our image of home and self, allowing for the ultimate self-expression. While an aesthetically pleasing home is something we strive for, a home that meets our psychological needs goes a long way in helping us create a feeling of home. When a home meets our need for self-expression, and we are able to experience a sense of love and belonging in it, it  is said to satisfy our psychological needs. 

Draw from Complex Experiences

Winnie Harlow’s Bathroom photographed by Douglas Friedman for AD Magazine

Bullard did not mention the use of design psychology, but his ability to create a space for Harlow that made her feel like it was an accurate expression of her suggests he was attuned to her psychological needs. He appeased Harlow’s desire for a glamorous and soothing space using  curvy furnishings and warm textures in a dramatic black and white color palette.  While I do not know Harlow personally, I suspect that her experience with vitiligo has impacted her design sensibilities. That is, if she was ostracized for her condition and had to learn how to move through the world with an inner resolve about her value, then it may make sense that she is drawn to drama and luxury as a way to assert and pamper herself. 

Beyond that, Harlow’s desire for calm surroundings may be a way to balance out her fast-paced, high-profile life, and perhaps a reminder of a less stressful time growing up in the Caribbean. Of course, this is all speculation but a possibility nonetheless. In a similar vein, Bullard’s reported decision to capture the joy of her accomplishments by adorning Harlow’s walls with pictures of herself is certainly consistent with design psychology principles. While Harlow is now venerated for her boundary-breaking modeling career, success is not a straight line and she may continue to struggle or may have old wounds that show up every now and then. So the presence of her pictures act as a visible reminder of her ability to overcome obstacles, and help to foster self-love and a sense of belonging. 

Tips for Creating the Feeling of Home

Winnie Harlow’s Dining Room photographed by Douglas Friedman for AD Magazine

Consider high positive associations. 

As mentioned above, a home that is psychologically satisfying is key to creating the feeling of home. If you work with a design psychologist, they will take you through a series of exercises to help you uncover the elements of home that are ideal for you. But a simple way to start creating an ideal space is to consider the places you’ve lived, stayed, or visited; and identify high positive associations with those places. In other words, consider what elements from past places stood out and inspired you. Next, think about how you can incorporate those elements in your current space. One thing to remember is that design psychology is not about nostalgic design. So rather than trying to recreate past places, try capturing the essence of those high positive associations from past places so you can experience them in your current space. In that way, your home becomes more of you, and is better equipped to support you as you strive to be the best you, you can be. 

Choose furnishings that go beyond trends.

I love a good trend as much as anyone. But we often tire of trends once they have had their moment. So if you do not have the means to keep switching out furnishings, and prefer something longer lasting, think about pieces that you will appreciate beyond the trends. Consider furnishings with classic, simple lines that can be paired with many decor styles, or maybe a sentimental piece that has become part of your home story. 

Move objects around.

When we’ve seen a room the same way for months or years, it can start to feel old, triggering the urge to buy new furniture. But instead of spending more money, try rearranging the furniture first. It can give the room a jolt of energy, and create a sense of excitement that makes it feel as if you had purchased new furniture. What’s more, when you rearrange your room during a significant life change, it can act as a catalyst for adaptability and growth. 

Think about how much control you have in your home.

According to a 2003 article, the place people remember as most significant during childhood are ones found in nature where they were able to create and use their imagination to the fullest. That is, they valued the place they had the most control. Unfortunately, children who have had traumatic home experiences with little to no control over their environment do not fare as well. It is the inability to make changes to their environment or exercise choices that lead to what Israel refers to in Some Place Like Home, as an “environmental assault” on their sense of self and value. That is, children’s immersion in an environment that fails to validate them contributes to a lack of self-validation. Thus, while you may not have experienced childhood trauma, it shows how important a sense of control is in your living space. You may live in a rented apartment and cannot paint your walls or put up wallpaper, but you may be able to incorporate color by hanging pictures on the wall. So instead of focusing on what you cannot control in your space, turn your attention to what you can do to express yourself in some way and create a sense of connection with the space. 

Consider designing for a variety of sensory experiences 

While we tend to focus on sight, our memories are triggered by all the senses. So it’s important to consider how a space feels, smells, and sounds in order to more fully connect with your surroundings. The more in tuned you are with your dwelling space, the more it will satisfy you psychologically, and the the easier it is to use as a springboard to live out your potential. 

Clothing Style Confidence

It’s that time of year when we are thinking about our fall wardrobe and ways to incorporate transitional pieces into the upcoming season. While some of us have no problems getting our wardrobe in order, others of us may struggle a little with putting it all together. Maybe you worry about finding pieces that are stylish but not overly trendy; worry about finding pieces that reflect the image you want to project; or have concerns about finding pieces that flatter your body.

If you have any of these worries, you may lack clothing style confidence. According to a 2018 article, clothing style confidence is described as confidence in the way “people express themselves with clothing and accessories.” Those with clothing style confidence value appearance, yet aren’t “slaves” to fashion. They tend to choose pieces that are timeless, and reflect “authenticity”, “individuality” and “self-expression.” They have a sense of what flatters their body; enjoy being creative with their clothing; and know how to mix and match pieces in ways that create multiple outfits. Their closet is well organized which helps them develop outfits easier. And they maintain their clothing well which contributes to longevity, a hallmark of sustainable consumption.

Clothing Style confidence: Getting your closet organized  

If clothing style confidence sounds like something you might need this fall and beyond, a good place to start is your closet. What do you have, what do you need to let go, and what do you need to buy? 

What do you have?

Let’s focus on the state of your closet. Is it overflowing with clothes you’ve never worn, filled with clothes that look the same, or crammed with ill-fitting pieces?

One way to tackle a disorganized closet is to first figure out what type of lifestyle you want to have. Choose 3 main areas that are important to you—maybe career, relationships, and health; and organize your wardrobe around those areas. For instance, a wardrobe suitable for work may be something that’s important to you; and if you’re looking to grow your relationships, perhaps you need outfits for nights out or weekends. And if you’re into strengthening your body, you may be looking to add workout gear to your wardrobe. Identifying these three areas will help you to better decide what to let go of and what to keep. 

What are you going to let go?

The next step is to purge your closet. While there isn’t one way to do it, it should be done in a manageable way so as to increase your chances of success. One way is to get garbage bags or baskets for clothes you no longer wear. One set of bags will be for clothes that are damaged in some way and can’t be worn as is; and the others will be for clothes that can be worn but no longer fit, are outdated, or some other reason. In order to practice sustainable habits, you want to avoid just throwing these clothes in the trash. Consider how the clothes can be repurposed (dish rag, pillow?), or have them recycled.

How are you going to put your clothes back?

Once you’ve removed unwanted clothes, put the remaining clothes back in your closet. But  don’t just put them back haphazardly, organize them in a useful way. One way to do it is to consider the three main areas, career, relationships, and health; and assemble outfits that fit those areas . Keep in mind that these outfits can be changed and one outfit may fit multiple areas, but it helps you to start thinking about what can go with what. When you’ve created these outfits, you can put them back in your closet as outfits organized according to the three main areas.

You can also choose to go department store style. That is, create a section for shirts, pants, dresses, etc…And you may choose to color-coordinate the sections or arrange them by type, i.e., work shirts, weekend shirts. If you arrange them by type, keep in mind that there will likely be some overlap as many clothing pieces are versatile. For instance, some clothing may be able to be worn both to work and to the gym. 

Once you have your closet organized, you can better determine what pieces you need. But before you accumulate more clothes, be sure you know what pieces enhance your body image. This may be something you’ve already got covered, but if the concept of body image triggers complex emotions, here are some things to consider. 

Clothing Style confidence: Body image/Type

Know how you feel about your body

Before you focus on what flatters your body, it helps to be clear on how you feel about it, or how you feel about yourself in your body. These are complex issues that may take some time to unpack; but it helps to start thinking about it, and how it impacts the way you dress. A 2015 study showed that those with a poor body image are less inclined to purge their closets because it requires them to engage with their clothes, and perhaps determine fit– something they’d rather not think about. As a result, their closets remain disorganized, and they cope in maladaptive ways such as purchasing more clothes they either don’t need or won’t wear; or just wear the same few pieces repeatedly. 

So if you have body image issues that make it difficult for you to begin dressing for your body, you’ll want to start addressing it in the healthiest way possible. This way you can begin to appreciate your body (even if you don’t love it yet) and dress it in a way that makes you feel your best— a necessary component of confident personal style. According to the 2018 article, those with clothing style confidence have what they call “aesthetic perceptual ability.” That’s basically a fancy way of saying they know what looks good on them, and can put clothes together in an aesthetically pleasing way. Of course what’s aesthetically pleasing to one person may not be aesthetically pleasing to another. But if you wear something you like and feel good in, and others respond positively to it, it’s a good sign you’ve tapped into a sense of style that inspires others. 

Be aware of the different body type systems

While the concept of dressing for your body is something we generally espouse; the concept of body type itself can be controversial, and there are varying opinions about how bodies should be categorized. One of the most well-known body type systems focuses on silhouettes and body parts. They consist of five body types including hourglass, apple, pear, rectangle, and inverted triangle. Generally speaking, this body type system focuses on creating balance with the hourglass shape as the standard. And the clothing recommendations typically involve helping you create balance by hiding problem areas. So if you are an inverted triangle shape, it’s recommended to wear clothing that adds curves or volume on the bottom in order to balance out the wider top.  

Another fairly popular, but perhaps lesser known body type system is the Kibbe body types. This system, developed by David Kibbe, was created to address some of the problems associated with the idea that certain clothes are suitable for only one body type. It focuses on the way our body moves in clothes; and argues that clothing is flattering if it embraces our “essence” and is well-integrated into our sense of style. The Kibbe body types focus on the softness (referred to as yin) and structure (yang) of our natural body shape; and includes five main types and 13 subcategories. The main types include dramatic, classic, gamine, natural, and romantic; and it recommends we choose clothes that harmonize with our body. Special attention is paid to the lines and drape of the clothing  to ensure it complements our shape and uniqueness. For instance, a dramatic is thought to be tall and angular with little to no softness. So the recommendation is to wear sharp, geometric clothing with crisp tailored pieces and vertical lines to enhance the height and angularness of the body.  

A quick internet search will show a host of other body type systems, and all have been critiqued in some way. You may find one that works for you, or you may take bits and pieces of several and apply them. While others can give input, it’s ultimately up to you to define, embrace, and dress your body. Maybe you’ve decided you’re a pear shape (wider at the top than the bottom) and also fall under the category of natural (considered a “soft yang” with angular, blunt edges). As recommended, you can decide to wear clothing that balances out your top (e.g., voluminous tops); or you can focus on your “blunt edges,” and choose clothing with relaxed, loosely constructed silhouettes. Overall, learning what most flatters your body is an ongoing work in progress, particularly as we get older and our body shape changes. But once you have a working understanding of what looks good on you, you can dress with increased confidence.

Note: If you are looking for stats on how body image issues are impacted by social media, particularly among younger audiences, check out this resource on social media addiction and mental health issues, lanierlawfirm.com/social-media-addiction/statistics/.

Clothing Style confidence: Shopping on a budget

Make a list

Once you begin figuring out what suits your body, you can make a list of the clothing items you want to buy. Of course, you’ll want your list to be informed by research. One approach is to do an internet search of the pieces you need and figure out what you like. This is purely about waking up your sensibilities so don’t worry about price tags, just take note of the pieces that speak to you. Next, do comparative research to see if the pieces you like come at different price points. This way you can be an informed shopper; and better prepared to shop on a budget. 

Shop anywhere

When you’re shopping with a limited budget, consider low budget or discount shops. You’ll be surprised at what you can find at Walmart or discount stores. In this age of the world wide web, nothing is new, and you’ll be hard pressed to find clothing no one else has access to. So it’s not so much about what you buy but how you style it. 

And don’t rule out vintage or thrift stores (which I love). While you may be able to find more one-of-kind pieces there, keep in mind that it might be difficult to build a capsule wardrobe within a short period of time from vintage stores, particularly if you have specific ideas of what you want. The art of vintage shopping is to have loose expectations because you never know what you’ll find. So while it’s possible to create a wardrobe full of vintage pieces, it’s not likely something that will happen in one month. And a modern wardrobe has a mix of vintage and new pieces to create freshness. So focus on getting the clothes you need and mix it in with great vintage pieces as you find them. 

While shopping, it’s also important to choose pieces that will enhance your wardrobe. This involves identifying at least 2 other pieces in your wardrobe that each new piece will go with. This makes the pieces more versatile and an asset to your wardrobe. More than that, try to buy clothing that can be worn past one season. According to the 2018 article, those with clothing style confidence purchase clothes that can be used for a long time, and tend to opt for timeless styles. So if you are looking to build a wardrobe that doesn’t need to be switched up every season for the latest trend, consider buying staples pieces that you can wear long-term along with one or two trends you enjoy.

Consider color 

It’s true that the colors you wear have an impact on you and others. But the effect of color is complex, and its impact is attributable to a number of factors like our physiological responses to color, our cultural associations with it, our personal experiences with it, and the context in which it’s presented. Generally speaking, warm colors like red, orange, and yellow energize us while cool colors like green, blue, and purple relax us. For example, if you are looking to exude energy you may choose a warm color like orange. And if you are looking to exude a more calming presence, you may gravitate towards cooler colors. 

With budget in mind, you’ll want to consider the colors you purchase so you can spend your money wisely. Neutral colors like black, white, gray, or tan, can be subdued or dramatic. They act as background music when paired with brighter colors, and reinforce the characteristics of those colors. So while you need a variety of colors, you’ll want to make sure you have a fair share of neutrals as they can typically be worn with many other clothing pieces. Essentially, consider the colors you are drawn to, be sure to include neutrals, and know how to wear colors in ways that bring about the impact you are looking for. If you find you don’t have enough of your desired colors in your wardrobe, be sure to target them when shopping.

Does Your Home Meet Your Social Needs?

open spaces allows people to socialize freely. face-to-face seating with movable chairs gives people varied options for socializing more intensely or more casually. Links:
chairish floral couch ; Etsy pillow; Luke edward hall zigzag pillow; Luke Edward Hall star pillow;
Glassette pillow; Amazon round coffee table; Glassette vase; Ebay Modernism book; plant; Bishop stool; Beaded chair; marble replace; Spoonflower curtains; window;African bust;Chairish sconces; Liberty London vase;Lulu and Georgia bowl; Top Modern mirror;1st Dibs chandelier; lavender paint; Revival Rugs jute rug

Interior design magazines and shows often give us clues about how our home can benefit our social life, at least ideally. We see influencers, and design connoisseurs entertaining and having friends over for weekend dinners with beautiful table settings and comfy living spaces designed to give us inspiration for our own gatherings. While it’s all so inviting, some of us may be more satisfied with our social life than others. And if we’re less than content with it, discouragement can cause us to lose hope in our ability to feel satisfied socially. Although design psychology cannot magically improve our social needs by the weekend, it can offer tools to help us better meet these needs and use the way we think about our home to do it. 

Whether you live alone or with others, it’s important for your home to be able to meet your social needs. This can mean allowing opportunities for building community, carving out time for privacy, or a balance of both. When we think of the rooms in a home, we typically think of common labels like living room, family room, dining room, and bedroom; but it doesn’t necessarily mean we use the rooms that way. We may use the dining room as an office, and the living room as a place to eat meals in front of the TV. It’s important to be clear on how you use the space so you can better determine if you are using it in ways that best support what you want to achieve socially. According to design psychology, your home can be designed to support the best version of you. If you are looking to expand your social network, or increase a sense of privacy, you can create a home that acts as a catalyst for those weekend dinners or much needed alone time. 

Consider how you establish relationships, build community, or make use of your private time

If you are looking to be more satisfied with your social space, consider how you establish healthy relationships, not just in your home but outside the home. That is, how do you build friendships or community? It can be hard to do when you do not have a job, a school, or any setting where you repeatedly see the same people (the ones you actually like). So it takes a little more effort; but either way creating community is about taking risks, putting yourself out there, and being friendly. You may not connect with everyone, but you can be open to what people who come into your life may give or teach you, and eventually you’ll find ones you connect with as well. 

Alternatively, how do you manage your alone time? Do you enjoy your privacy and see it as a way to develop a sense of independence; or do you feel isolated, lonely, and disconnected? If you feel the latter, it may be that you do not have an adequate sense of connection with others and/or yourself. Ironically, we can be with a bunch of people and still feel lonely, yearning for a type of self-love that others cannot fill. This typically requires deeper level work to address but design psychology can offer supportive tools while you’re in the process.  So with that basic framework in mind, how can you create a home that supports whatever your social needs are?

Consider open or segmented spaces

Angled seating and focal points allow for people to look away at a target to relieve anxiety. Links: 1st Dibs floral couch; One Kings Lane floral couch (see above for remaining links)

Generally speaking, a home can be divided into individual space, shared space, and public space; and we are satisfied when we have enough of each. For instance, those who are more extroverted, meaning they get their energy from being around others, may do well when a good portion of their space is public or shared. They tend to do well with open spaces as they have easier access to the people in their home. Alternatively, those who are more introverted, meaning they recharge or get their energy from their alone time, may do well with ample individual space. They tend to do well when spaces are segmented so they have a place to retreat and recharge. 

Therefore, if you are looking to create more segmented spaces, consider furnishings that divide a room such as a large bookcase, a screen, or position furnishings in ways that break up the space. Or, if you’re looking to create a sense of openness or expansion in your home, consider furnishings that do not block views, and furnishings that can be moved or swivel. 

Consider seating placement

Side-by-side seating options are good for people who do not know each other well. Links:
Parsons bench (see above for remaining links)

Any social setting needs seating, but the way seating is arranged can go a long way in making people feel comfortable or not so much. No matter our social needs, we all need some balance between privacy and socializing. So seating should be arranged in ways that allow people the option for both. For instance, people should have the freedom to move closer or farther away from others whether that means moving chairs or moving themselves in a large settee or sofa. It is a good idea to have flexible seating so that you can change up the arrangements to meet your specific social needs. 

With flexible seating in mind, you want to make sure you have a mix of face-to-face, side-by-side, and angled seating. You’d want to position chairs face-to-face for conversations that are not stressful and purely social in nature. Place chairs side-to-side when conversations may be tense or people do not know each other well. This way they have the option to turn their head to look at each other or look away at will. Similarly, place chairs at right angles or close to it when conversations may become stressful and people have the option to look away. Additionally, when chairs are positioned in a circle facing towards one focal point, it allows people to be social but also gives the option to look away and use the focal point as an excuse to do so. 

Consider seating type

How we sit in seats can promote creativity and concentration. Research shows that when people are in an expansive body posture, like in a recliner, they are less likely to be frustrated and think more creatively. This is based upon the idea that when in a more relaxed position, the excitatory system is inhibited. Thus, adding a recliner to your space can allow you or your guests the freedom to engage with others or their thoughts. But sitting upright has its benefits too. According to research, when we are sitting upright rather than slouching, we tend to have a more positive view of ourselves, and can be helpful when we are working or focused on a task. 

So whatever your social needs, these recommended changes can be a first step to making significant changes that can improve or enhance a sense of community or independence. 

To Dupe or Not to Dupe: The Psychology of Wearing Knock-Off Brands

Saks Fifth Ave/ THe Attico

I’d call this a close replica. The dupe seems to have been inspired by the designer shoe but is different and simple enough to wear longer term.

While searching for a shoe to go with a dress I planned to wear to an event, I came across a very fitting designer heel—perfect for my outfit but not so much for my wallet. So I continued scrolling and got excited when I found the same shoe for a quarter of the price. Of course, it wasn’t quite the same shoe, but a near exact replica with the exception of one or two details.  Who would know? It looked exactly like the one I wanted, it’s more affordable, and does what I need it to do for the outfit. But just when I went to put it in my cart, my neurotic inclinations stopped me. Did I really want to wear these dupes? I’ll know they aren’t the real thing, and others, who pay attention to that kind of thing will too. Why was that a big deal for me? In that moment, I felt led to do some introspection. 

Counterfeits, Dupes, and the Self

Forever 21/Alaia

This dupe is a close replica and seemingly meant to be worn short-term due to the cheaper materials used.

According to a 2012 study in Psychological Science, people tend to buy counterfeits (that is, a fake luxury product presenting as the real thing) to enhance their image, and project to themselves and others an aspirational version of who they are. Unfortunately, it also has the unintended consequence of making us feel like we’re trying to be something we are not, and “signals” a counterfeit, inauthentic self. Notably, the study found that those who wore counterfeit glasses were not only more likely to feel less authentic, but to also behave unethically and perceive others as unethical as well. 

While dupes, also known as knock-offs, are not exactly counterfeits (at least legally as they do not use the same brand name and usually change up one or two details) they can be pretty darn close; and if you’re aware of the designer brand, you’ll know if the dupe is a little more than just a product “inspired by” the luxury brand. So perhaps, dupes carry the same unintended consequences as counterfeits, a sense that we are projecting an image that is not as authentic as we’d like it to be. There are some people, like myself, that seem to care more about that than others— What makes people care more or less?

Dupes and Values

Sam edelmans/Manolo Blahniks

This dupe seems to be more “inspired by” the Designer shoe than a replica. the wavy details gives it a unique touch.

Whether or not you embrace dupes may have something to do with what you value. According to an article in Vogue Business, Gen Z’s (those born between 1997 and 2012) have no problem with dupes; and in fact prefer them, particularly for trendy clothing that may not last more than a season. In other words, they want to present an image of luxury without spending the money to get it. More than that, Gen Z’s are loud and proud about their knock-offs. Even the term “dupes” sounds like something cool to have. Speaking as a Gen X’er myself, I can say that knock-offs were never one to brag about. We didn’t have “dupes”, we had “fakes” whether they were actually counterfeits or not.  Knock-offs were something we tried to hide (that’s if we knew they were knock-offs) as wearing them reflected badly on the person seen as “posing” or pretending to be something they are not. 

So what is the essence of this (seemingly generational) divide? Research shows that the more inaccessible or scarce a product, the higher the perceived value (via Psychology and Marketing).The reasons for this are complex, but it may have something to do with the value we place on being unique, particularly when it comes to clothing and other objects that reflect identity. But the desire to be unique and present an image of uniqueness may be separate processes. The latter seems to be more about having fun and presenting an image that is enhanced, but not necessarily feigned. That is, there is no shame in crafting an image that’s not necessarily true to reality b/c it is all in good fun— seemingly a byproduct of our social media age where everything is touched up or filtered. 

When I struggled to buy those dupes, I couldn’t shake the fact that it was a copy of a very specific shoe (as opposed to a more classic one). I don’t always know a dupe when I see it; but when I know, I have a hard time unknowing it.  Had it been a different shoe with a few different details, but the same feel, I would have felt better about it. Like the study mentioned, I felt the dupes made me feel inauthentic somehow—-I tied them to my identity as a creative person, and creatives don’t copy. On the other hand, if you don’t link dupes to your identity, but to a sense of frugalness, you may, similar to Gen Z’ers, see dupes as fun, and struggle less with buying them. 

Shop your values

Amazon/Bottega Veneta

This is pretty much an exact replica and marketed as a “dupe,” fun for those who want to indulge in luxury without spending the money to do so.

Ultimately, I didn’t go with the dupes. I found another luxury shoe from the same brand at a steep discount and went with those. But strangely, I’m much less picky about a pair of dupe earrings or a necklace if I really love it and it doesn’t go against my ethics (for example, brands who get hit really hard when big companies copy with no recognition). I like to have fun with jewelry and don’t always take it so seriously. On the other hand, shoes feel a little more substantial, and heavily dictates the mood of an outfit.

Someone else might feel differently about jewelry for different reasons. What we value can be attributable to a complex mix of factors including culture, personal experiences, and individual differences. Perhaps like Gen Z’ers, you’re fine with most dupes and prefer to invest your money in luxury items you feel are worth investing in. Or similar to someone like myself, you may strongly link authenticity to identity and not be as comfortable with dupes or at least certain dupes. But whatever you value, it’s important to be attuned to it. I could have easily bought the dupe shoes but it probably would have nagged at me. Clothing not only sends an image to others but impacts how we feel about ourselves, so it’s important to wear clothes that are aligned with our values. 

Additional considerations when Choosing Between Dupes and Luxury Brands

Joycename tennis necklace/Crystal haze Jewelry

This close replica has the feel of the designer necklace, but the tennis style sets it apart.

1. Know the difference between a product and its dupe. This requires some research given we don’t always know (at least I don’t) when a product is a dupe. Creativity is fluid, and the concept of dupes can sometimes be unclear. You may have a pair of reasonably priced shoes that looks just like an iconic shoe made years before. Is this a dupe? Or maybe a brand decides to give homage to an iconic or classic brand by making a replica handbag and acknowledges the inspo brand. Would this be considered a dupe? Typically, it’s a dupe if it is intentionally selling a replica of an of-the-moment product at a more affordable price. Sometimes the dupe will acknowledge itself as such, playing up the popularity of dupes, but be different enough so as not be accused of counterfeit. 

2. Study closely to see if the product is pretty much an exact replica or details have been changed, making it more of a close replica. If enough details have been changed, the shoe may feel more like it was “inspired by” the luxury brand than a replica. This is probably the dupe I’d feel most comfortable with.

3. Consider the price of the luxury product and the dupe; and whether you’ll wear it past one season. The more details on the replica that match the luxury product, the more closely it will be associated with the product, and possibly the more short-lived it will be, especially if the luxury product does not have longevity. If you decide to go with a replica, it should have fewer signature details than the on trend luxury product if you plan to wear it longer term. 

larosastyle/gucci

This Dupe is a near exact replica. the upper material is real leather, and gives the feel of a higher end shoe without having to actually buy one.