Recap: Charming Folksy Style in Brooklyn

Touring homes for Houzz has become one of my favorite things to do. I consider myself to be a keeper of stories, and my understanding of others has been enhanced because of it. As a psychologist, I've gotten to hear stories about others' emotional life, and as an interior design writer I get to hear about their emotional life as it's reflected in their home. To be able to go into people's homes, hear their home stories, and document all this is important to them is not a privilege I take lightly. 

Last month I had the opportunity to tour the home of an Etsy seller at Mamakea Vintage, and her boyfriend, a vintage tech-recycler. Not only were they a cool couple to work with, but their home personifies their free-spirited, creative approach to life. It's filled with keepsakes, chotchkies from their many road trips, and vintage technology. Even if folksy isn't your thing, it's hard not to admire the way they have been able to use their home as an extension of everything that is important to them-- being environmentally conscious, celebrating their ancestry, and furnishing their home with objects that hold personal meaning. Here are a few pics I took from the tour.

Clearly the plants are the star of this homey pad.  There's just something about plants in a home— they give it life, serenity, and the sense that the residents are truly caring individuals.

Read the full article on Houzz.

These pictures originally appeared on December 27, 2016, on Houzz.

Recap: Coping With Difficult Relatives Over the Holidays

Hey folks! When The Everygirl asked me to write about ways to cope with difficult relatives over this holiday season, I wanted to be able to share all that I've learned in hopes that it would make someone's family holiday gathering just a little more pleasant. I think it's a topic that's relevant to a lot of us who have had to brace ourselves for dealing with those relatives that require an extra dose of inner strength. Some of us grow up with an impression of what a near perfect family should be, and it can be hard not to use it as a barometer for our own family experience. Others of us just want a functioning family, never mind perfect. Whatever your family challenges are, there may be some comfort in knowing that you are not your family. Still each of us has a unique impact on our family dynamics, and we can learn to interact with relatives, especially difficult ones, in ways that facilitate our own inner growth. Here are a few tips I mentioned in the article:

1. Deck the halls with self-reflection

What do you think your reaction to your difficult relatives says about you? This may be an easy question to answer for some, and more difficult for others. But it is a question worth answering if you want to learn a little more about yourself. I’ve had relatives who embarrassed me to no end, and I realized it was mostly because I felt they were a reflection of me. I had difficulty disassociating my identity from theirs and felt invested in making sure they were more perfect so I could appear to be, too. This type of self-understanding helped me to address personal issues such as my inclination to feel responsible for family issues outside of my control, and may do the same for you. 

2. Put a label on it

What do you think is wrong with your relatives? Are they pompous, untrustworthy, bullies? Maybe they have a legitimate personality problem. Whatever it is, label it. While I normally wouldn’t recommend boxing people into categories, in this context we can take a cue from doctors who use this method to make it a little easier to understand and manage patient symptoms. Trying to attach a label to your difficult relative's “symptoms” may be a helpful way to detach yourself, and see your relative’s behavior more objectively. Of course, I wouldn’t recommend sharing this label with the difficult relative unless you are looking for a full-force blow out. But used for your own purposes, it can create a healthy distance between you and the difficult relative, and may make it easier to not take it so personally. 

3. Wear their shoes

Perhaps taking an empathic stance might minimize your negative reactions towards difficult relatives. Do you know how your difficult relative got to be so difficult? Maybe they had a challenging childhood. Maybe they feel misunderstood and cope by lashing out. Or just maybe they are trying to connect with you and don’t know how. Whatever it is, knowing a little bit about them adds a different dimension to their behaviors that may make them a little easier to tolerate. 

4. Check your perspective

If you are anticipating a stressful family holiday gathering due to one or more difficult relatives, you are probably thinking of all the ways they are going to get on your nerves. This does nothing to put you in the holiday spirit, and may make you anxious and uptight. But if you want to have a better attitude about it, engage in a relaxing activity like exercising or journaling before the gathering to get you physically and emotionally prepared to deal with the family chaos. Relaxing allows you to think more clearly so that when your difficult relatives come at you, you are better prepared to deal with them. 

Read the full article on The Everygirl.

This article originally appeared December 14, 2016, on The Everygirl.

Five Tips for Not Feeling Disgruntled While Antique Shopping

Antique shopping is one of my favorite things to do.  Flea markets, garage sales, second-hand shops, estate sales and sometimes even someone’s trash (yes trash!) can all be great places to find those one-of-a-kind pieces. I love sifting through objects with a sense of history, finding treasure amongst the “junk,” and scoring a great find for way less than what it’s worth. But there are many times when I find nothing at all, and oh man, it’s frustrating. Perhaps you are able to easily access great antique shops like the ones features in this article by  Invaluable.com; but if you are not, you might be suffering from a bad case of weak antiquitis. Trust me, I can relate. Unlike the booming flea markets and vintage shops I see on television— you know the ones with the quirky sellers who always have awesome period furniture, many of the flea markets and vintage shops I visit often do not have what I'm looking for.  But I find the more experience you have with antique shopping, the better you’ll get at scoring those unique vintage pieces. So if you’ve been a little disgruntled lately about making what may seem like wasted trips looking for antique treasures, here are some tips I’ve learned along the way that may make you feel like it’s worth your while.

1. Be Consistent. No matter how fed up I get when I come home empty-handed from antique shopping, I keep going back to the same places, often to flea markets or secondhand stores where I’ve found great vintage pieces at least once before. In psychology, we call this intermittent reinforcement because I’m being reinforced by the idea that there’s always a chance I’ll find another great item “this time.” Many expert antique shoppers take full advantage of this method by going to the same shops consistently to increase the chances of finding those special pieces. In fact, I know antique hunters who spend hours and hours a week searching for their “buried treasure.” Now I know what you’re thinking, who has time for that? I get it— most people including myself, have full-time jobs and other responsibilities that make it difficult to make elaborate trips during the week to a flea market 30 miles away. But maybe there are some local stores you can hit en route to or from work. Perhaps you pass the Salvation Army or a little vintage shop every day. Take a few minutes to stop in. You may be finally able to catch those one-of-a-kind pieces you’ve been searching for. And just by going into the store more often, you’ll be familiar with the merchandize, develop a sharper sense of what you like and don’t like, and spot something new and interesting much more quickly than you would have if you didn’t visit the store more regularly.   

2.  Do Your Homework. While consistency is key, you also don’t want to feel like you’re hitting your head against a brick wall by constantly going into a store that almost “never” has anything you are looking for. So in order to avoid this, do some homework, and find out about other sellers in your area. Estate sales are a great place to shop. You can almost always be sure to find one, and unlike garage sales, the owners are not in the home during the sale so they’re not likely to raise the prices of things they are emotionally attached to. You can go on to estatesales.net to find a bunch of estate sales in your area. Every home is different, and you can find a lot of interesting pieces. I find it so fascinating to go into people’s home and see how they lived, particularly older folks who may have had the home for fifty or more years. It’s kind of like being in a museum and often the price points are varied so there’s usually something for everyone.

3. Be Timely. If you’re antique shopping with a specific purchase in mind, and you know where to find it, you may experience an underlying sense of urgency.  I've often rushed to purchase something for fear someone will get it and I’d regret it for the rest of my life. But while we're all bound to miss out on a great sale or two, there are some things you can do to minimize the chances of missing out on those must-have items. Most of the highly sought after antique pieces are often sold quickly, so you’d want to be among the first customers on any given day to avoid missing out on the chance to buy the good stuff. With flea markets and garage sales in particular, the converse is also true. That is, it is good to go at the end of the day, when sellers are reluctant to keep large items and will likely lower their prices to get rid of their stock. However, this usually works for items that are not in high demand or the sellers have more than one of the item you are looking for.

4. Keep an Open Mind. Often when I am out vintage shopping, I try not to be preoccupied with any specific purchases I may have in mind. While I'm all for hoping for the best, I usually remind myself to relax and keep an open mind about it. Often, I find the best things when I’m not looking for them, or I find things I may not have thought I wanted at the time until I saw them. Shopping this way is much more carefree and if you don’t find anything special, you won’t feel like you lost out so much. As for those specific pieces I want,  I try to be more deliberate in my search for those items by searching for it online instead of leaving it up to chance when I’m out antiquing.  This way, I'll be less likely to feel let down by not finding it.

5. Enjoy the process. While you may not always find great vintage pieces, you are probably learning a lot more than you think  just by going through the process. Personally, I enjoy learning about the history of different objects, learning what shops are good for which items, and all about the coolest antique stores from shopkeepers or other shoppers. And all of this works to make me a more experienced antique shopper. So when you’re feeling a little bummed out about coming home from a shopping trip empty-handed, realize that it is all part of the process of becoming a pro antique shopper, which is nothing to feeling disgruntled about.

What are some of your experiences while antique shopping? Feel free to share your shopping tips in the comments below!

Dining Room Inspiration: Island Luxe

My dining room is coming together slowly but surely. It's big on the slow part and small on the surely, but it's getting there. So when Chairish asked me to create a mood board for their social media showing how I would style my dining room using mismatched chairs, I was happy to do it. Although I haven't decided whether or not I'll use mismatched chairs in my dining room, looking for different chairs was a great exercise to help me discover what I'm drawn to. After looking at countless dining chairs, light fixtures, and other dining room furnishings, I came up with an eclectic mix (no surprises there) of midcentury mod, and Caribbean and French inspired furnishings, all of which work to create a luxe feel. I love the way the rattan chairs, the ornate French bench, and midcentury mod chairs work to create an upscale casual vibe. Check out my mood board below:

wallapaper| abstract print|rattan chairs|chandelier|

dining table|danish modern chairs|leopard bench|

plant|bar cart|male pic|dot fabric

What do you think? I love all the pieces together,  and it seems I'm always drawn to ethnic influences like the Trinidad wallpaper, maybe because of my Jamaican heritage. I particularly like the Black male portrait — I usually include a portrait of a woman, but I've been trying to incorporate a more masculine feel into my rooms lately. Blame it on two sons and a husband. What dining room furnishings have you been drawn to lately?

Recap: Quirky, Feminine, + Eclectic Brooklyn Studio

Hey Folks! I'm so pleased to announce that I am now a Houzz home tour photographer and writer. I've had a passion for interiors and understanding the emotional connection people have with their spaces for years, and I'm excited for the opportunity. So in honor of my new job, I started a new series, Recap, to show you snippets of my home tours, *yay*. Today I'm sharing with you the wonderfully quirky and eclectic home of Annie Mistak, an interior designer and founder of Brontosaurus Inc.  Here are a few pics from the tour. 

I love the way Annie mixes vintage and new pieces to create a modern Holly Golightly vibe. This is Annie's first apartment as a newly single gal, and she used pieces that showcase her vibrant personality and keen eye for detail. She makes quirky look chic with her spray painted dinosaurs and Grey Gardens inspired cat food cans. And those palm tree printed chairs! .

Get the full tour here.

My Burgeoning Freelance Writing Career

Well Hello There! So glad to see you. I've been wondering where you've been- ha! *wink*. Hopefully, you've been living life to the fullest and enjoying spring. Aside from chasing little ones and working a full-time clinical job, I've been busy transitioning to a more creative career, incorporating my passion for design, fashion, and style into my work as a psychologist. I know very few (practically none) who have done this, making the path a little more difficult but hopefully that much easier for anyone coming up behind me. Part of my plan is to offer creative consulting services which I've spoken about here. But another part of the plan is writing for online magazines and websites that cover my creative interests. It's all very exciting and really helps me to sharpen  my writing skills. Among the websites I've been writing for is The Everygirl, a popular website for 20-somethings looking for inspiration to navigate young adult life. I've written a bunch of wellness and other related posts for them. Below are a few:

Here, I wrote about how to deal  with difficult personality types. I enjoy making psychological concepts relatable to lay people. It really is a different, and  refreshing style of writing considering that most psychology articles are written for esoteric journals and often complicated by psychological jargon.  I based the difficult personality types on actual clinical personality disorders (histrionic, narcissistic, depressive, compulsive, dependent), but stayed away from discussing full blown personality disorders as I felt it was beyond the scope of the article. I wanted to strike a balance between being entertaining and informative; providing psychoeducation and introducing the readers to different types of people without getting too clinical, especially since most of that information can be found on other, well-known websites. Read the full article here.

I was really psyched to write about design psychology, a branch of psychology that focuses on meaningful and emotionally fulfilling design. It's a relatively new field and looks beyond focusing on the aesthetics or safety needs of a space to social and psychological  needs that push us to achieve a self-actualized sense of place. I incorporated some tools used in design psychology to helps clients create a "blueprint" of their ideal space, including creating a vision of an ideal space based upon past, present, and future sense of place, picking favorite objects that evoke meaningful memories, and getting rid of objects that do not have meaning. See the full article here.

For this piece I wanted to target over shopping and ways to cope with it. Over shopping is similar to other types of addictions in that you use a "thing" to avoid dealing with deeper level issues that are often harder to address directly. So as an alternative to faulty coping skills, I offered some tips for dealing with poor shopping habits such as figuring out the reason you over shop, what you're getting from it, and learning to use other, healthier ways of coping.  You can read more about the article here.

For sure writing can be challenging, particularly with my hectic schedule. But it is also super rewarding to have an opportunity to be creative. In addition to the The Everygirl, I have also recently been hired as a contributing writer for Houzz.com. I'm thrilled to be able to photograph and write about people's homes for the My Houzz series. I have a passion for interiors, and writing for Houzz is icing on the cake. So stay tuned for posts about my home tours! Until next time folks.