5 Signs Your Wardrobe is a Symptom of Distress and What to Do About it

I’ve always loved clothes. I still remember my first favorite dress given to me for my 5th birthday. It was deep red and white, and very fluffy. I felt like a princess in it. Even then I reveled in the power of clothes as a transformative force that can make me feel like my most amazing self. Fast forward to my college years, and clothes had become a hallmark of my self-expression. I didn’t use it as much to fit in as I used it to stand out. Through clothing I could express my individuality, my awareness of trends, and my willingness to mix it all up to create my own sense of style. I even became aware of the therapeutic benefits of clothing. I remember feeling really anxious about giving a class presentation, and my roommate told me if I put together a nice outfit, it can ease my nerves. So I wore a sensible, stylish pencil skirt, and layered on a bunch of pearl necklaces. I felt like a lady who lunched with a touch of rebellion. And although I was still nervous, the outfit helped me feel more prepared, and I got an A! But dressing up isn’t always the cure for a restless mood. Sometimes dressing down does the trick. I find that dressing moody (e.g., ripped up jeans and a t-shirt) when you feel moody is as much of a pick-me-up as a bluesy jazz song.

On the other hand, there are times when clothing becomes a symptom of poor mood and distress rather than a prescription for it. As Jennifer Baumgartner says in her book You Are What You Wear, your clothes reveal more about you than you may realize, and each item signifies a deeper, unconscious choice. When your clothes become a sign of your distress it is a signal to make some internal changes. No, changing yourself on the outside won’t always fix the inside. And as a counseling psychologist, I’m well aware of the need for people to make internal changes a priority. But aside from having to deal with deeper-seated emotional issues, working on the outside with a little guidance, can be an impetuous to get your internal self in order. There are numerous signs that your clothing is telling you to make some inner changes. Here are five indicators below and what to do about them.

1. One Too Many Regretful Purchases

Most of us have experienced a regretful purchase. The one we made when we were rushing to pick up the kids or to get to an appointment. Or, the one we made because we were so excited about it that we didn’t really stop to think it isn’t practical or not very comfortable. That’s when you regret nearly every purchase, maybe because you aren’t sure it’s right for you, or you’ve concluded  it definitely isn’t right and do not see yourself wearing it. I remember when I was searching for a well-made jumpsuit--one I could wear for a long time, but wasn’t able to find one in my price range.  So one day when I was rushing with my daughter, and had no business shopping for anything, I went into a store and came across this multi-colored, animal print, patterned jumpsuit. I’m not sure what I was thinking, but I bought it without much thought. The fit was workable, but the pattern and colors were overly trendy and not long-lasting. As I got home and tried it on, I knew it was the wrong choice, and never wore it. While a few regretful clothing purchases are to be expected, it is problematic when it becomes a pattern.

When we habitually make regretful purchases, it’s a sign that we are not clear about what we are looking for, and may have a poor sense of our individual style or what enhances us.  This makes us vulnerable to gimmicks or glitzy sales tactics (e.g., half-off sales, looks great on the model) which only reinforces our regretful purchases. But through my jumpsuit purchase, I learned two things. One, don’t go clothes shopping with a new baby. And two, regretful purchases can actually teach us something about our style. For me, the colors and pattern of the jumpsuit were wrong and I felt more comfortable with a simpler one that functioned as a staple in my wardrobe. As Tess Whitehurst says in her book Magical Fashionista, clothes should fit your unique message and energy. What energy or vibe do you give off? Simple or fussy? Edgy or girly? Colorful or brooding? Somewhere in between? For me, it might change depending upon how I’m feeling that particular day. But if you aren’t sure, let regretful purchases guide you towards understanding more about your sense of style.

2. You are a Slave to Trends

I enjoy fashion trends and love to follow them. Being aware of trends helps us to be attuned to shifts that are occurring in fashion and design, and gives us the opportunity to re-evaluate our personal style so we can decide whether we want to accommodate to those shifts.  But being attuned to trends and being dependent on them are very different. Trends are fresh and exciting, and it can be easy to get swept up in the hype of it all. If you blindly follow fashion trends without considering how those trends enhance or detract from your personal style, you might be relying on trends for security and approval without ever really finding your unique style. Studies show that those who use clothes to make the right impression feel good about themselves when they are satisfied with their clothes, but have a poor self-perception when they are dissatisfied. So it’ important for YOU to make the clothes rather than have the clothes make you.

To minimize the chances that you will be overly dependent on trends, do an assessment on your wardrobe. Are most of your clothes staple pieces, trendy—lasting one or two seasons, or some mixture of both? If you want to build a wardrobe that you do not have to change out every season be sure to have more staple pieces than trendy ones, and be selective about the trends you buy. There are times when I searched long and hard for a trendy item, I really enjoy. But there are also times, as with the jumpsuit fiasco, I’ve jumped at a trend without really thinking about whether it works on me or not. Before buying the next big trend, consider what message you want to convey to the world through your clothes. Then assess the trend(s) you’re considering. Will it enhance the message you want to convey? Or does it just show that you’re trendy.

3. Your Closet Stays in Disarray

An organized closet can make the mornings feel so simple and smooth, especially when your outfit is on the hanger waiting for you to grab it and go. On the other hand, a messy closet can make the mornings feels disorganized and rushed, especially if you have to sift through piles of clothes to get what you want. And usually you can’t find what you want which then leads to the inevitable “I have nothing to wear!”  Never mind that you have tons of tops, skirts, and pants that you at one time or another loved enough to buy. But now those clothes seem unflattering on the floor or stuffed in draws, making it difficult to create a look for the day that feels right. Your initial reaction may be to buy more clothes to fix the problem, but if your closet never gets organized, new clothes would likely only add to the chaos. In fact, if your closet it in constant disarray, it may signal disorganization or chaos in other areas of your life. Maybe you’ve been in a slump, dealing with depression, or experiencing high stress, and feel disorganized. If so, it is not uncommon for these issues to shows up in your wardrobe, waiting to get your attention.

One way to resolve these closet issues is get your closet organized, even if you don’t feel like it. And as you organize your wardrobe accordingly, use it as a launching pad to organize other areas in your life. Start with clearing out your entire closet until it is empty, and sort your clothes into specific piles. For instance, you can make a pile for clothes with holes and rips; clothes you haven’t worn within the last year or more; clothes you wear regularly; and clothes you wear on special occasions. Throw away all the clothes that are old and beyond repair, and give away the clothes that you will likely never wear again. All of this makes room for new clothes. The act of throwing away and getting rid of old clothes that no longer work for you is more than a practical one. It’s also an emotional process that can be applied elsewhere. For instance, if you are depressed or stressed, you may have to get rid of old ways of thinking to make room for new ways of processing and being with yourself and others. 

As you put back the remainder of clothes into your closet, create sections for each type of clothing (e.g., skirts, pants, dresses) . Then go through your staple pieces, the clothes you wear regularly, and see what other staple pieces you need to build the foundation for your wardrobe. If you don’t know what staple pieces to buy, this is the time to do your research. See what pieces are out there and decide which ones are right for you. Beyond the staple pieces, you’ll want to assess your more specialized pieces (e.g., clothing with patterns, colors, sequins) and see what you would add to give your wardrobe that something extra. You may have to do some research with this as well if you're not sure what is out there. This idea of making it work with what you have and adding more when you can is powerful, as it shows an ability to place value on what’s yours, which in turn creates a momentum that allows you to get more.  For instance, if you have a skill but don’t value it, others probably won’t either making it less likely for you to expose the talent and possibly benefit others and/or make a living off of it. So while organizing your closet may not fix all of life’s problems, it can be an important first step to making significant shifts elsewhere in your life.

4. You Are Overly Preoccupied with Clothing Size

What size are you? This may feel like a loaded question, kind of like asking someone how much they weigh or how old they are. This is because our sense of self and body image are so wrapped up in clothing size, and we manage ideas about our body and self through it. Let’s say a store carries tons of size 6’s or 8’s but very few 12’s or above. This can send a message about the value they place on bigger sizes, and we may start to internalize the idea that a specific size equates to degree of value. Studies show that women in particular, often get around these feelings by “cheating” the numerical indicators of clothing size. That is, stores use different sizings for the same body type, and a size 6 in one store may be the equivalent to a size 10 in another. So if a woman wants to feel thinner, she’ll shop in the store that makes her a 6 rather than a 10. While striving to be a size “blank again" is all of us, how we feel about ourselves and our bodies should not be dependent upon the sizing used to quantify our bodies. And if it is, it’s often reflective of deeper-seated issues about our worth and value."

If you find that you are overly preoccupied with clothing size, perhaps you can do some introspection to find out why you place so much value on it. What does it mean about you to not be size “blank”? Are those meanings accurate? Or, what other aspects of you are valuable? These types of questions can go a long way in challenging some faulty ideas you have. Then the next time you go shopping, try to avoid looking at the sizes and choose clothes by how well they fit you. You'll feel more confident in clothes that fit regardless of the size. If you need to take a friend with you who can help you pick out sizes without being preoccupied with them, then do so. The idea is to lessen the value you place on clothing size in relation to your own self-worth and sense of value.

5. Your Wardrobe Feels Uninspiring

There may be a number of different reasons why you feel uninspired by your wardrobe, but if your clothes generally do not fit the life you want to live, there is probably a disconnect between you and your wardrobe. You may feel stuck with nothing to wear, or clothes that don’t enhance your life in any meaningful way. This could signify that you are stuck in another area of your life. Maybe you feel stuck in a job, a relationship, or a lifestyle that no longer works. In Magical Fashionista, Tess Whitehurst says your clothes should help you feel as if the life you want is already in place. Putting together outfits each day that enhances your life and conveys a message about who you are in the world is a very important creative endeavor, and the more fitting the outfit, the better equipped you are to fulfill your purpose.

One way to cope with feeling uninspired about your wardrobe is to get to the source of what’s keeping you stuck. Consider the lifestyle you want. What are your career goals, your relationship goals, or your educational goal? Once you determine that, you can start to curate a wardrobe that reflects these goals. If your goal is to spend more nights out, then consider buying more party clothes. If it is to get a particular job, then buy outfits suitable for the position. Even if you don’t have the job yet, the very act of buying a suitable wardrobe for it shows you have the faith and guts needed to make your goals a reality. It’s certainly a process and may not get resolved overnight but remember, changes in one area can make it easier to make changes in another area.

What other ways do you think a wardrobe is a sign of distress, and what tips do you have for dealing with it? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Having A Moment With Stacked Earrings

Wearing loads of jewelry is a hallmark of disorders like Histrionic or Borderline Personality Disorder. The idea that wearing a ring on every finger is a sign you are "one of them" is a stereotype that speaks to the high level of attention people with these disorders often demand. And while most people aren't extreme attention-seekers, I think many of us have attention-seeking tendencies even it it's buried somewhere beneath our more reasonable and logical selves. We enhance our self-image with clothes and jewelry, and who wouldn't want some positive feedback at least some of the time? Some would argue that they don't dress for anyone but themselves, but any type of adornment conveys a message, whether intended or  not, that others interpret. It's a complex message that distinguishes us from or merges us with the wider culture.  Sometimes it appeals to fantasy,  other times it is very practical, and it usually conforms to our value system. As for me, I certainly enjoy dressing in ways that hint at my more fanciful side. I love classic pieces with unexpected details, or a twist in my accessories or jewelry. But at any given time, I may not care to wear any jewelry, or I might want to pile it on. It usually depends on how stressed, distracted, or inspired I am. Lately, I've been into stacked earrings. I really like the different combos I've been seeing. Pairing colorful crystals with whimsical and geometric studs, or streamlining it with multiple pairs of the same earrings in different sizes makes for some really interesting ear candy. I recall getting multiple ear pearcings in the 90's when it was all the rage, and haven't worn them for years until now. It feels like it's 1995 all over again, and I'm kind of liking it. Here is my inspiration.

stacked earrrings

What do you think of the stacked earring trend?

1. @Lulu Frost 2. Rashida Jones  3.  Arik Kastan 4. @Brokenenglishjewelry 5. Zoe Kravitz

*Lady But Earrings-Betsy Johnson *Earring Set- Kenneth Cole

Newsworthy: Mind What You Wear By Professor Karen Pine

karen pine

When I was in college anxiously preparing for a for a big presentation, my roommate told me I'd be more likely to do well if I dressed up. While I wasn't sure if it would work, I put on my best slimming knee length skirt, and packed on loads of pearls (it was the late 90's). I can still see myself in class that day--definitely, anxious, but also dolled up and feeling pretty dapper. I got an A on my presentation, and at the time, I didn't think it had anything to do with my appearance, but now  I'm not so sure. You  may have heard me talk about fashion psychology, and only a handful of psychologist have begun to explore the psychological impact of clothing. One of them is Karen Pine, developmental psychologist and Professor of Fashion. This past week I had the opportunity to read her book, Mind What You Wear, and it is full of research (including her own) that speaks to the power clothing has on us. Here are some highlights from the book.

1. Fashion isn't just visual, it's psychological. What we wear impacts not only others but us, the wearer--and the impact is complex. It isn't rocket science to figure out that we choose clothes based upon how we're feeling. But our clothes sends a message to others who react to us based upon our clothing choices, which in turn further impacts how we feel about ourselves in the clothes. If I decide to wear an unusually revealing get-up, I'll probably get lots of stares and unflattering attention. This would certainly have an impact on me that either reinforces what I was already feeling (e.g., a desire for attention) or stirs up feelings (e.g., shame, embarrassment).

2. The effects of clothing on our mood is often unconscious. Do you notice that you have a little more pep in your step when you wear that tea length skirt, those sequin wide leg pants, or that cute matching top and skirt? (okay, yes these are all things I'm wanting now) But think of those lucky socks you may have or the piece of jewelry you wore on your wedding day, or other special occasion. Sometimes we form an emotional bond to our things that is so strong, they almost have a magical influence over us when we were them.

solange

3. Clothing can change our character. It's been said that the effects of clothing runs so deep it can cause us to act in uncharacteristic ways. Think of how you feel when you're made to put on a hospital gown or some kind of uniform? Famed researcher, Zimbardo (the one who conducted the famous Stanford prison experiment) showed that subjects who were asked to wear concealing clothing were more likely to express inhibited, cruel behaviors  than those who were not dressed as such. They call it the process of de-individuation, and it's a loss of both self-awareness and responsibility. While there are many other factors that contributed to the subjects' behaviors, the study sheds some light on just how powerful clothes can be.

4. Clothing affects the way we think. Yes, it's true. In fact, research has shown that female subjects made to do math problems in a bikini performed worse than those were not made to wear one. They postulated that the women in bikinis internalized society's objectification of women which made it difficult for them to concentrate. In other words, their self-objectification used up their mental resources. This concept has also been known as enclothed cognition, and means that both the experience of wearing clothes and its symbolic meaning affects our thinking. So the next time you choose an outfit, make sure you're comfortable in it, otherwise it can use up the mental energy you would use for other things.

4. Clothing can keep you stuck in a rut or get you out of one. In an attempt to get people out of a fashion rut, Professor Pine co-founded Do Something Different, a psychology based program that encourages people to make small, yet meaningful changes in their look. People are asked to try a "Do" each day for several days, like "Do dress to impress today, "Do try a new color combo today," or "Do stand out today." I love this idea, and it seems to have really made a significant impact in people's lives.

Professor Pine also gives us a treat by including a list of clothes that make us feel happy along with the theoretical basis for it. She calls them happy clothes, and I couldn't resist putting together a few pieces based on her list. See them here:

happy clothes

vintage cameo|| J-Crew flats||Miu Miu sweater|| Miu Miu skirt||

Chois dress|| Lulu Frost earrings|| Kenzo pants

If you like what you're reading, go ahead and order the book (kindle edition only). I think you'd get a lot out of it. ♥

*Top 2 Images by Truly blog.

It's an Anthropologie Fall Fashion Show

Well hello friends! Hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday and are ready to face the week with renewed vigor. I just started maternity leave, and am looking forward to baby number three among other things. It's been such a while since I blogged, and I've certainly missed sharing with you. I've been very busy with my day job, and before I knew it, a few days late turned into weeks, and now it has been almost two months. While I didn't intend to leave you this long, taking a small break from blogging allowed me to gain some clarity on the direction I want to take my blog and my new business (Yes, a new business!) which I will share more about in the upcoming months. Before too much time elapsed I wanted to share a newsworthy event I went to in October (better late than never, right?). In addition to my day job, I worked briefly as a part-time stylist for the Short Hills Anthropologie. It was part of my plan to hone my skills in retail and styling as preparation for my wardrobe consulting service (a service I will be offering as part of my new business). While there, I had the chance to help out with a fashion show held at the store.  It was such a cool event for the store and it's customers. The show was put together and coordinated by the store's full-time personal stylist, Jennifer, and all the models were customers. It really gave guests an opportunity to see Anthropologie's fall line on real-life people of all age groups. Here are some pics that I thought captured the event nicely.

Anthro show 1

Here is the set-up just before the show. The overall theme and vibe of the show was equestrian as you may be able to tell from the wheat field and mountainous backdrop. It was put together by the store's very talented visual manager, Lauren, and the visual display interns.

Anthro show 2

I really enjoyed the attention to detail, a hallmark of Anthropologie's style. These wine glasses were set out for the guests.

Anthro show 3

The store was closed for the evening, and guests waited to be checked in. Those on the guest list included loyal customers, their family/friends, and employees from the corporate office.

Anthro show 4

Anthro show 5

And of course a fashion show isn't complete without a tasty layout.

Anthro show 6

This is the store manager, Jenn, welcoming guests to the show and  introducing the visual manager, Lauren.

Anthro show 7

Here is the full-time personal stylist, Jennifer. Kudos to her for putting the entire fashion show together. She talked about her love of fall fashion and the deep, jeweled colors and tones found in Anthro's fall line. "We are not a black store," she pronounced. Each outfit fitly captured the rich colors and textures found throughout the store this time of year.

Anthro show 8

The show began with model Ainsley in the Lorna Silk Maxi Dress with the Canoe Drop Earrings. This is a statement dress and a belt was added to make it more age-appropriate for a younger age group.

Anthro show 9

Model Claire in the Tassled Maxi Dress, Ladder Trace Scarf, and Window Frame Perforated Belt. As you can see, many of Anthro's outfits can be altered or made more unique with a belt.

Anthro show 10

Model Marley in the Risen Sun Sweater Dress with a Draped Moraine Necklace, Crystal Fringed Drop Earrings, and September Satchel. The Risen Sun Sweater dress is cute and very popular. See how many times you can spot it among the pics.

Anthro show 11

Model Allison in the (Tema) Basketweave Sheath, Vegan Leather Bomber, Chevron Belt, and Fanned Leather Necklace.

Anthro show 12

Model Beatrice in the (Tema) Floral Sheath with Bejeweled Belt, and Triangle-Fringe Hoops.

Anthro show 13

Model Deeksha in the Pinion Fit and Flair Dress and Deco Statement Bib Necklace. This dress was one of my favorites.

Anthro show 14

Model Beth in the Painted Field Fit and Flair Dress and Silver Fringed Statement Necklace; and Model Ryanne in the Paisely Moto Jacket, Tuxedo Ruffle Tee, and Rose Gold Tassle Blaze Necklace. This is the end of the show when the models reappeared in pairs.

Anthro show 15

After the show, all guests and models had an opportunity to shop the fashion show.  And almost everyone took advantage of this intimate shopping experience.

Anthro 16

Here is a pic of me (and in all black of all outfits) and the photographer for the show, Joy Sorensen from Firefly Photography. She was super sweet and recently started her photographer business with her husband, Jared (he's taking the picture). See their story here.

Overall, I really enjoyed the show and think an in-store fashion show is a great a way to build clientele and make additional sales. So what do you think of a store hosting a fashion show?

Personality Traits and Dress: Compulsive Style

Well, we've finally come to the last part of our five-part series on Personality Traits and Dress (see previous posts, here, here, here, and here). This series has been so much fun and I'm sad that it's come to an end *sulk face here*. But our featured personality type certainly won't let you see her tears. She is the most straitlaced of them all. Here is compulsive style:

Illustration: Ann Shen

Those with compulsive personality traits have strong perfectionistic tendencies. They practice discipline and self-restraint, and are conscientious about following the rules, or at least desire to be perceived as such. You may call them goody two-shoes, Pollyana, or even drill sergeants but I'm sure many of us can relate to the desire to have things done "the right" way. If you have a predominate compulsive style, there isn't a hair out of place, or an unintended crease in your shirt. You may even be inclined to have matching accessories. You are perfectly prim and proper, and will have it no other way. In short, your outfits always read, "I'm packaged to perfection." Can you relate to the compulsive style?

Personality Traits and Dress: Depressive Style

Are you ready for part 4 of our 5-part series, Personality Traits and Dress? If you missed previous posts on Narcissistic, Histrionic, and Dependent styles, you can find them here, here, and here. This week we're showcasing the downer Debbie of the bunch. It's one thing to feel depressed, but what does depressive style look like ? This is what I imagine:

Depressive Style

Illustration: Ann Shen

It goes without saying that someone with a depressive style is, well… depressive. Perhaps not to the point where they're not functioning, but they seem to carry with them a sense of doom and gloom. And quite frankly, it’s difficult to feel upbeat in their presence. Most of us have all been down and out at some point in our lives but thankfully many of us are able to bounce back and experience a sense of joy. But if you have a predominate depressive style, it may not be so easy to bounce back, and this may be reflected in your style of dress. If you only wear dark colors or neutral styles, sure you may look presentable, but the lack of joy you feel shows in your clothing. And after a while your drab look may even start to reinforce your negative feelings. Maybe you’ve decided that clothes don’t matter. Or maybe you’ve given up shopping altogether, and decided that the clothes you have in your closet will do just fine no matter how outdated or tired they may look. Either way, you’re outfits always read, “Don’t bother looking at me. There’s not much to see.”

Do you know anyone with depressive style? What has your experience been with them?